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Anxiety, depression, and education

Gesundheit

Senior Lairian
Senior Lairian
Joined
Jan 19, 2013
Messages
822
Points
178
I used to be super active in several online forums; particularly the Sphynxlair and Librarything. I'm easing back in here, and stumbling like hell trying to settle back on LT. I still automatically type that URL every other day when I forget which site I wanted to go to (the struggle of a "communications professional"), even though I haven't been consistently active in years. So much has happened since 2015, and I'm still recovering from a fair bit of emotional trauma. I'm so lucky to have wonderful friends, including a wonderful husband. A bit of oversharing and mild language to follow...

Some of you may remember that I was trying to rehome Nym.
92691
She had a whole host of problems, and I was convinced that I was a major part of the problem. In truth, my husband and I had an awful roommate who had convinced me that Nym needed to be rehomed. My husband wasn't home enough to recognize the manipulation that was going on, so it may have looked like the idea was solely mine. Nym is a special-needs kitty; she still has accidents, fixates on locations, and we've learned how to deal with it. I'm not saying that this is something that anyone must do; just that we have. A major help: this place isn't wall-to-wall carpet!

In May 2017, I had an emotional breakdown, which aforementioned roommate made about himself. He and our other roommate decided to start looking for a new place to live, which made me feel freed from some twisted sense of obligation to help the asshole figure out how to human. So I found a nice apartment that was ready to receive me, my husband, and our babies several days before our roommates' new location could allow them to move in (but they left a full house for me, husband, and a wonderfully helpful friend of ours to clean up).

I am wonderful-friend's self-appointed little sister, and he helps husband from working too too much.

Nym and Smidget took to the new place instantly. Surprising no one, some of her problems have permanently disappeared.
92692

In 2016, I'd started getting involved with fandom conventions. NerdCon was an amazing experience, I was fortunate to be part of a local convention's last event (though nobody was happy to learn that it was the last), participated in a few event firsts, and by May 2017 (an obviously pivotal time), I'd gone from unknown to expected at these things. ♥︎ The community was instrumental in jump-starting the healing process.

And...just...this happened! For several months, I'd introduce myself (at nerd functions) thusly:
Hi, I'm Jessica, and I cried on Rob Paulsen!

In December 2018, I reshared a depression grievance in a corner of my expansive community. I prefaced it with "I don't want any suggestions", because I just wanted to vent, but one of my friends shared something I hadn't seen before:
92693
You see, I was tired of feeling anxious and depressed, but terrified of trying medication, again. I'd given SSRIs a go in 2008 to get through school, and tapered off at the end of my prescription (under strict medical supervision!!!). In that time, I experienced rapid weight gain (diet nothing to do with it), apathy, and severe lethargy. Taking all this in, my friend shared this diagram that his psychiatrist had shared with him. I replied: Why was I ever put on SSRIs???
I shared this with ALL of my friends, and one of them added another invaluable factor to my toolbox: When his medication is working correctly, he feels even; it's when he misses a dose that he feels the effects.

Better informed, I found a psychiatrist in my network, and she accommodated my concerns. I'm now on the appropriate medication, and I'm amazed by the difference it's made. In fact, since I started the regimen in January, yesterday was the first time I'd missed a dose, and am I ever feeling it, today. ^^; I'm mostly okay; just a bit dizzy.

To top everything off, I'm back in school. I was looking at MBA programs when I came across this "MA in Entrepreneurship and Innovation". The program is an innovation in itself, and I'm ready to help steer its future. If someone had told me, 3 years ago, that my life would drastically improve the way it did, I wouldn't believe them. I can't remember ever being happier.

 

Yoda mom

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Apr 23, 2012
Messages
18,256
Points
653
@Gesundheit (((((squeeze hugs)))) thank you for sharing your personal journey .
You are an inspiration for all of us ....
it’s been two years since my world was turned upside down... still taking one speed bump in life at a time ... I hope one day I can say quoting you “If someone had told me, 3 years ago, that my life would drastically improve the way it did, I wouldn't believe them. I can't remember ever being happier.” I am blessed and appreciative for all I have in my life , powering over the speed bumps !
I always say no matter how crappy a day I am having , someone else is having a worse day .
Positve vibes sent and extra head smooches to Nym and Smidget !

I am sooo happy for you on your new journey

Nym and Smidget are precious together . Hope to see more updates pics and tales !

Very very happy for you !
Keep us updated!
 

Sheldon13

Gold Lairian
Notable Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
6,226
Points
603
Welcome back. I’m so glad you were able to keep your family together through all of that. It sounds like you are in a much better situation now. I also suffer with major depressive disorder. I’m here to talk if you ever need to.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
 

Toa and Ross

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
26,505
Points
643
@Gesundheit welcome back! Good to hear from you. You've been through a lot. What a great spirit to keep being so positive and to keep going. Happy to hear Nym is doing much better now.
Hope lots of good things to come for you and your family!
 

Gesundheit

Senior Lairian
Senior Lairian
Joined
Jan 19, 2013
Messages
822
Points
178
UPDATE:
Due to aforementioned anxiety disorder getting out of hand, I didn’t do very well in class, this quarter. I spoke with the director of my program about it, and she allowed me to take an incomplete, pending approval from my professor and the dean. With her reassurance, I was confident that it would go through. However, I didn’t expect to receive the following message from the dean:
Jessica,
Our only purpose is in helping our students find their success & reach their goals. I’m glad you are trying to continue this class and finish it successfully. Good luck.
I never expected to actually feel valued in this institution.
 

Toa and Ross

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
26,505
Points
643
@Gesundheit You can be proud of yourself! Having the problems you have and still trying to keep going with study is nothing less then "professional top sport". Having to beat yourself, your problems and unfortunally a lot of times also what others think of how you feel. Tgat's why it always makes me sort of happy when I see and hear that a school, university, work, friends etc support people with psychical problems.

Thanks for sharing!
 

Gesundheit

Senior Lairian
Senior Lairian
Joined
Jan 19, 2013
Messages
822
Points
178
Thank you for the encouragement!

@Gesundheit You can be proud of yourself! Having the problems you have and still trying to keep going with study is nothing less then "professional top sport". Having to beat yourself, your problems and unfortunally a lot of times also what others think of how you feel. Tgat's why it always makes me sort of happy when I see and hear that a school, university, work, friends etc support people with psychical problems.

Thanks for sharing!
 

Anita Eccleston

V.I.P Lairian
V.I.P Lairian
Joined
Sep 26, 2017
Messages
1,668
Points
238
I used to be super active in several online forums; particularly the Sphynxlair and Librarything. I'm easing back in here, and stumbling like hell trying to settle back on LT. I still automatically type that URL every other day when I forget which site I wanted to go to (the struggle of a "communications professional"), even though I haven't been consistently active in years. So much has happened since 2015, and I'm still recovering from a fair bit of emotional trauma. I'm so lucky to have wonderful friends, including a wonderful husband. A bit of oversharing and mild language to follow...

Some of you may remember that I was trying to rehome Nym.
She had a whole host of problems, and I was convinced that I was a major part of the problem. In truth, my husband and I had an awful roommate who had convinced me that Nym needed to be rehomed. My husband wasn't home enough to recognize the manipulation that was going on, so it may have looked like the idea was solely mine. Nym is a special-needs kitty; she still has accidents, fixates on locations, and we've learned how to deal with it. I'm not saying that this is something that anyone must do; just that we have. A major help: this place isn't wall-to-wall carpet!

In May 2017, I had an emotional breakdown, which aforementioned roommate made about himself. He and our other roommate decided to start looking for a new place to live, which made me feel freed from some twisted sense of obligation to help the asshole figure out how to human. So I found a nice apartment that was ready to receive me, my husband, and our babies several days before our roommates' new location could allow them to move in (but they left a full house for me, husband, and a wonderfully helpful friend of ours to clean up).

I am wonderful-friend's self-appointed little sister, and he helps husband from working too too much.

Nym and Smidget took to the new place instantly. Surprising no one, some of her problems have permanently disappeared.

In 2016, I'd started getting involved with fandom conventions. NerdCon was an amazing experience, I was fortunate to be part of a local convention's last event (though nobody was happy to learn that it was the last), participated in a few event firsts, and by May 2017 (an obviously pivotal time), I'd gone from unknown to expected at these things. ♥︎ The community was instrumental in jump-starting the healing process.

And...just...this happened! For several months, I'd introduce myself (at nerd functions) thusly:
Hi, I'm Jessica, and I cried on Rob Paulsen!

In December 2018, I reshared a depression grievance in a corner of my expansive community. I prefaced it with "I don't want any suggestions", because I just wanted to vent, but one of my friends shared something I hadn't seen before:
You see, I was tired of feeling anxious and depressed, but terrified of trying medication, again. I'd given SSRIs a go in 2008 to get through school, and tapered off at the end of my prescription (under strict medical supervision!!!). In that time, I experienced rapid weight gain (diet nothing to do with it), apathy, and severe lethargy. Taking all this in, my friend shared this diagram that his psychiatrist had shared with him. I replied: Why was I ever put on SSRIs???
I shared this with ALL of my friends, and one of them added another invaluable factor to my toolbox: When his medication is working correctly, he feels even; it's when he misses a dose that he feels the effects.

Better informed, I found a psychiatrist in my network, and she accommodated my concerns. I'm now on the appropriate medication, and I'm amazed by the difference it's made. In fact, since I started the regimen in January, yesterday was the first time I'd missed a dose, and am I ever feeling it, today. ^^; I'm mostly okay; just a bit dizzy.

To top everything off, I'm back in school. I was looking at MBA programs when I came across this "MA in Entrepreneurship and Innovation". The program is an innovation in itself, and I'm ready to help steer its future. If someone had told me, 3 years ago, that my life would drastically improve the way it did, I wouldn't believe them. I can't remember ever being happier.

Hello lovely girl !
I have to say I actually cried reading what you have had to endure !
Sadly there are people on this earth not fit to be called human ! Also we can’t call them animals because that would be an injustice to animals as they have a protective side ! Even the most wildest animal protects its own !
Now I am so happy that you have found peace in your life ! And you feel enriched
I understand and I truly sympathise with the emotions you’ve had to tolerate , as I suffer myself since my accident years ago , anxiety is a daily thing with me ! So I screen shot the circles to view later thank you so much for sharing !
I am so happy you didn’t rehome your baby ! I think it would have hurt you deeply !
So now your back to school got a great fella and your babies ! New home is a plus plus
I couldn’t be more happy for you and we send you massive sincere hugs !
I think the lair is the best forum ever so many genuine people !
Our older members like myself have experienced a lot of what life throws us !
What doesn’t kill you ! Makes you stronger !
Massive hugs from us
Xxx❤❤❤❤Xxx
 

Gesundheit

Senior Lairian
Senior Lairian
Joined
Jan 19, 2013
Messages
822
Points
178
This is a long time coming, thanks to ’rona, but I finished my MA in February, and received my diploma, last week.
BC06DED5-8696-47E8-AB54-89E14B1A9CD2_1_201_a.jpeg

I didn’t tell any of my family that I’d gone back to school, so I dropped this on FB with the caption: “You ever buy a nice blanket for yourself, only to have your pets claim and utterly destroy it?” My parents still haven’t noticed/commented on it, but they’re the ones who like to drop surprises on people, so I’ll wait for them to catch up. ; )
 

Sheldon13

Gold Lairian
Notable Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
6,226
Points
603
Lol what a fun way to announce it. I’ve often thought about covertly going back to school and just announcing it by inviting everyone to the graduation lol


Love and Sphynx ~ It’s all you need
 
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