Argghhhh I need advice pls!

[MollysMom]

So my good friend is getting married June 18th in Las Vegas. We met about 18 months ago, along with another lady in a meetup group. The three of us a really good friends, and see each other about 3x a week.

She got engaged last June, and picked her 3 bridesmaids (friends of hers) and maid of honor (20 year old daughter). Since then, the wedding has changed from a local event to the Las Vegas destination, and 2 bridesmaids aren't going to vegas. They have done nothing to help her get ready for the wedding or plan.

As it is now 6 weeks from the wedding, my friend and I (the 2/3 of out trio) realized that nothing has been done to plan a bridal shower or stagette party for her by anyone. So we jumped into action and got this thing going. The next day at coffee, she asked us both to be her bridesmaids. We said yes without thinking, because we have been already helping and are going to the vegas wedding.

It is not working. We just went dress shopping for 4 hours yesterday, and she vetoed any off the rack dress that we wanted (even though she said we could pick any little black dress to wear). She wants us to all wear something that SHE likes, but feels unflattering and uncomfortable.

I am starting a new semester in school, a new job, and planning my own wedding for september. I won't have time for this if it is going to be like this. She also expects us to spend most of our time in vegas hanging out with her and her family at the house they rented. To me,this is our vacation $ and time, and we were planning on attending the wedding and spending the rest of the time enjoying ourselves. I know I will be angry and resentful if I spend almost $1000 with dress, shoes, and travel costs and don't get a chance to relax.

Also, it feels like she just askes us because she realized that her bridesmaid and daughter are useless, and she wants us to take care of their slack.

So question: I need to tell her that I would love to help her plan and be there to support her, but I can't be a bridesmaid because I can't give her what she wants. She wants the whole bridal princess for a day experience where everyone waits on her, and I can't do that. How would you do that???

Ps - the other friend who was asked with me feels the same, and also wants to decline.

 

[Catzzzmeow]

Oh geez. I think if you need to just be honest and tell her about the stresses. Hopefully she will back down on her expectations. Does she have any idea you guys planned a shower without even being asked to be bridesmaids and were very thrilled at doing that and then it sort of rolled out of control and you put yourselves in a position to only lead to dissappointment? I would say it right like that. You need to watch your budget and need some down time and can she please understand this. I am the type that shoots from the hip and if you say it in a caring way, she might realize she has blinders on. Might have the other friend be with you guys so she sees it truly is the 3 amigas and she will not feel like anything is going on behind her back.

Patti

 

[Toa and Ross]

A difficult situation you're in. I think you should do what feels best for you. As I see it you have a few options:
1. You say she's a good friend. For a good friend you want to do everything so let her be the princess that day, wear the dress she wants you to wear (maybe she's very insecure and want to be sure that it's not going to be the same like with the sister of princess Kate?;-)). You only tell her on what budget you are
2. You say she's a good friend. With a goid friend you can talk about everything. Tell her in a friendly way how you feel and talk how you still can be her bridesmaide with both of you feeling fine about it.

What I won't do if she's a good friend is to make a discission before you talked with her and try to work it out together. If I were a good friend of you I would appreciate it very much if you told me how you feel. And I would appreciate it if you talked to me first alone and not together with my other best friend.

Hope the wedding is going to be a wonderfull day for your friend and for you!

 

[Xandria]

Yikes. When it comes to personal situations, I have all the diplomacy of a brick attached to a rocket launcher.

All I do know is that you'll likely be resentful if you carry on this path and need to extricate yourself ASAP, even if it, sadly, means losing a friend.

I do firmly believe in honesty though, and looking after yourself as Number One.

Sending you positive vibes and hoping this can be sorted to your satisfaction. You already have received some great advice, I'm sure there's more to follow.

Hugs.

 

[assibassi]

maybe tell her , You would love to be her Bridesmaid, but with your own planning on your own wedding its very stressfull for you already and you can not make such a moneymove with all the dress and such and go to vegas on vacation when you have to pay for your own wedding coming up in a few months. Its just understandable....

 

[Hairless Blessing]

Just be honest with her and do it in a loving way and if she is a true friend she will understand.

 

[1sphynxlover]

I agree with what everyone else has already said. I would also do it as soon as possible so that she can make other arrangements if necessary.