Welcome to Sphynxlair! Connect with Sphynx owners & enthusiasts around the world!

At my wits end, need help

Gray

Lairian
Joined
Mar 30, 2018
Messages
14
Points
24
Hi everyone,

When I first adopted my cat I was in a very different space. I worked 8-12 hour days, had a well paying job, lived with a S.O., and most of all I was healthy.

Since getting her I broke up with that partner, have been diagnosed with Lupus after a debilitating flare/episode, am now unemployed and on social assistance, moved and I now live with my parents who are a horrible influence, and I now actively deal with anxiety and depression while being home all the time.

My cat has always been vocal. She goes through periods where it's not so bad, and periods where she wails so long and loud that I break down crying, and I debate finding her a new home. I love her, but she is very needy and requires more attention than I can currently handle in my very depressed state. I am barely able to get myself up let alone have her crawling all over me, kneading me, screaming at me all the time. When I wasn't home for 8 or 12 hours at a time her attention requirements were annoying but I was convinced she'd settle down. Ive had her for almost 2 years and I'm beside myself. The longer I stay with my parents (~1 year now) the worse she gets. She is now an absolute trouble maker and her tantrums are getting worse.

Where do I even begin? I feel so lost. I love her but I'm not sure I'm the right person for her anymore. On her good days she is so friendly and sweet, and is genuinely a good girl who just wants love. I think she is a good cat but is also probably a product of her situation.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you even vet people for adoption. She really needs someone with experience with other sphynxs and probably also has other pets. If I could curb her vocalizations I think I could handle her bit I'm not sure how to fix that either.

Please help ):
 

Cinafina

Senior Lairian
Senior Lairian
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
627
Points
218
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you're going through! I struggle to give any advise, and can only imagine how hard it must be! Giving your girl up for adoption would be heartbreaking I'm sure, and it doesn't sound like you've decided if that's what you want to do... If you did decide to try, I don't think there is a better place than on this site, in the adoption/rehoming forum. It's the hardest choice, but it sounds like knowing your baby might be unhappy is adding to your stress? (((Hugs)))
 

Gray

Lairian
Joined
Mar 30, 2018
Messages
14
Points
24
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you're going through! I struggle to give any advise, and can only imagine how hard it must be! Giving your girl up for adoption would be heartbreaking I'm sure, and it doesn't sound like you've decided if that's what you want to do... If you did decide to try, I don't think there is a better place than on this site, in the adoption/rehoming forum. It's the hardest choice, but it sounds like knowing your baby might be unhappy is adding to your stress? (((Hugs)))
Hello! Thank you for the good wishes. Youre right in that I really havent decided. I want to fix the behaviour first and foremost, but if I cant (and I've been really trying for a year now, even more so the last month) then I know she needs to go to someone else. Which absolutely kills me, but in that situation I think that would be best. (Hugs) thank you for reading and listening ❤
 

Cinafina

Senior Lairian
Senior Lairian
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
627
Points
218
Hello! Thank you for the good wishes. Youre right in that I really havent decided. I want to fix the behaviour first and foremost, but if I cant (and I've been really trying for a year now, even more so the last month) then I know she needs to go to someone else. Which absolutely kills me, but in that situation I think that would be best. (Hugs) thank you for reading and listening ❤
I wish I could offer some training tips, but the best I can do is post this link I found Training a cat to be quiet
Really hope things will get better for you soon!
 

oolahappi

Lairian
Joined
Oct 31, 2017
Messages
125
Points
71
Hi Gray, we tend to make impulsive decisions when we're stressed and going through rough times. Is there a trusted friend or family member that could take your kitty until you sort out your situation? Cats can change, but not overnight. If you can, find a talk therapist to help you cope. Sometimes it's hard to talk about these things (lupus, break up, etc) with people close to us and get the answers we need. Wish you both well.
 

Cinafina

Senior Lairian
Senior Lairian
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
627
Points
218
Hi Gray, we tend to make impulsive decisions when we're stressed and going through rough times. Is there a trusted friend or family member that could take your kitty until you sort out your situation? Cats can change, but not overnight. If you can, find a talk therapist to help you cope. Sometimes it's hard to talk about these things (lupus, break up, etc) with people close to us and get the answers we need. Wish you both well.
This is very true..! Made me wonder if someone fostering your cat for a while could be an option? That way you wouldn't give her up permanently, and might help to give you a chance to concentrate on getting yourself better first... :confused:
 

Toa and Ross

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
23,338
Points
643
@Gray Sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. So much bad things happened in your life, and the situation you live in doesn't make it easier. Hope you have professional support.

Pets (dogs and cats) are very sensitivr to how you feel. Some pets are more loving and caring when you feel bad. Others become annoying and vocal, like your girl. It can be pretty hard to deal with. And I can imagine very well that makes you feel more depressed.

Did you try a felliway diffuser? Maybe that can calm your girl down.
Is it possible your girl stays with a friend for a while to she if she calms down and you'll get some rest?
Or is it possible somebody comes over to your place to play with her every day?
This way you don't have to make a decision right away.

Cuddles for your girl and hugs for you.

Natasja
 

CathyO

Lairian
Joined
Jul 4, 2019
Messages
84
Points
34
Have u watched any Jackson Galaxy? Maybe get somebody to play with your cat if u can’t? I know if I’m not in the mood I use a laser pointer up and down the couch and don’t spend more than a min or just throw a toy once to get the cat to at least run half way. Anything helps than no play. Make it watch CatTV on YouTube.

CatDancer is my go-to lazy toy since u can just hold it not have to swing it to play with your cat.

What’s your cat’ name?
 

Gray

Lairian
Joined
Mar 30, 2018
Messages
14
Points
24
Hi Gray, we tend to make impulsive decisions when we're stressed and going through rough times. Is there a trusted friend or family member that could take your kitty until you sort out your situation? Cats can change, but not overnight. If you can, find a talk therapist to help you cope. Sometimes it's hard to talk about these things (lupus, break up, etc) with people close to us and get the answers we need. Wish you both well.
Hey there

I see a therapist weekly and have discussed this extensively with them. This feeling of being overwhelmed by her has been going on for over a year. So not really an impulsive or overnight decision.

Sadly I dont have anyone willing to foster/take her for a while, and my current living situation won't change for the foreseeable future as I am on a waitlist for subsidized housing but it might be a year or longer. Without income or the physical ability to work my living situation is based on my little finances.

Thank you for the fostering idea though. I had discussed that with a few friends to no avail.
 

Gray

Lairian
Joined
Mar 30, 2018
Messages
14
Points
24
@Gray Sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. So much bad things happened in your life, and the situation you live in doesn't make it easier. Hope you have professional support.

Pets (dogs and cats) are very sensitivr to how you feel. Some pets are more loving and caring when you feel bad. Others become annoying and vocal, like your girl. It can be pretty hard to deal with. And I can imagine very well that makes you feel more depressed.

Did you try a felliway diffuser? Maybe that can calm your girl down.
Is it possible your girl stays with a friend for a while to she if she calms down and you'll get some rest?
Or is it possible somebody comes over to your place to play with her every day?
This way you don't have to make a decision right away.

Cuddles for your girl and hugs for you.

Natasja
I have not heard of a felliway diffuser. I will look into this.

I am able to play with her but it doesnt stop the crying. Its bad enough that if i sit outside in the back yard she goes to the screen windows and cried until I come inside. In hindsight it could be seperation anxiety? That and food. Shes started crying 2 hours before her feeding time in the mornings and at night (shes fed like clock work w q meqsuring cup so her portions haven't changed).

There is no one i can loan her off too saddly. I have asked a few people already. ):
 

Gray

Lairian
Joined
Mar 30, 2018
Messages
14
Points
24
Have u watched any Jackson Galaxy? Maybe get somebody to play with your cat if u can’t? I know if I’m not in the mood I use a laser pointer up and down the couch and don’t spend more than a min or just throw a toy once to get the cat to at least run half way. Anything helps than no play. Make it watch CatTV on YouTube.

CatDancer is my go-to lazy toy since u can just hold it not have to swing it to play with your cat.

What’s your cat’ name?
Youre not the first to suggest play so I think I must have done a poor job explaining this is my post. I actually play with her daily and snuggle with her daily. She just seems to need me all the time. If I go out in the back yard she litterally cried until i come i side. If I close my door to change or for some privacy she will cry for at least an hour or until I open the door even if Ive spent all day with her. She is not crying about 2 hours before her scheduled feedings. I feed her w a measuring cup and nothing has changed there so i cant figure out the change in behaviour ):

I will look into catdancer thank you for the suggestion
 

Toa and Ross

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
23,338
Points
643
@Gray you're already doing a lot for your girl with all the playing and so on!
She sounds a lot like my boy Ross. If I go for a shower and close the bathroom door, he keeps scratching it until I came out. I can't go in the backyard without him. He demands to come with me. If not, scratching and yelling.
My girl Jade is the one who makes sure she wakes me up at 4.00 at night, just to let me know it's almost time to feed her. Mind you, when she does this she still has food in her bowl!

It drives me crazy sometimes but I can handle it cause I feel good and I have my own home.
I can imagine very well it's too much for you to deal with.
Hugs
 

TheZu

Lairian
Joined
Dec 6, 2017
Messages
219
Points
71
I think you have to do what is best for the both of you, and you don't have to feel bad about it. It sounds like you have weighed your options and approached this responsibly. Sometimes responsible pet ownership Is re-homing, despite the stigma. Especially in cases of depression, anxiety and mental health. You can't give what you don't have.

Cinafina is right in that if re-homing is what you decided, there is no better place than here! It sounds to me like what your cat could also use some fellow cat companionship actually. Re-homing to someone - even temporary fostering -to someone with other sphynx, might help give your kitty the attention she needs.

My cats have always been vocal, but I found our Missy was getting very clingy and more anxious when we got home after leaving for long periods of time. We decided on a second sphynx, and after the introduction time, it's worked out wonderfully. She isn't any less affectionate toward me, but she's far less anxious and now has a play buddy, grooming buddy and extra cuddle buddy!

I don't think getting another cat to fix your first cat is a good idea though, not at all. It sounds to me more like you need the break and it's just something you can't handle right now, and that's okay. I have a nagging suspicion that your parents might also not love this cat and her behaviour and that might be further complicating things. I see what others are saying though about making a decision you will come to regret later in a moment of high stress. But I think the risk of that regret might be better than continuing a situation that is hurting both of you, and it would help you to hear someone say "It's okay, you aren't a bad kitty parent if you do this". Those words alone can cut the fear, the shame and the risk of regret in half.

It's okay to re-home, and here is a safe place to do it, full of people that would be great care-givers. You might even find someone on here willing to foster while you sort things out.
 

alana447

Lairian
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
32
Points
39
I'm so sorry for all that you've had to deal with...I would wait...before deciding...I had some rough times with my little guy...but in time she might just be what you need when your feeling your worst...wait until you have a few good days and see if that helps you decide---also I know they have stuff at the vets that will mellow them out (like kitty valium) just make sure its safe for a sphynx as I dont know...best wishes to you
 

oolahappi

Lairian
Joined
Oct 31, 2017
Messages
125
Points
71
@Gray Keep us posted on how you're doing and on your decision. I agree with @TheZu 's thoughts considering this is something that's been on your mind for a while. I went through something similar with a dog. I was so distraught when I lost my 11 y/o Shih Tzu suddenly to cancer that I went out and rescued an elderly Chihuahua to replace the hole in my heart...and pick up where I left off. I tried my best to love her and care for her, but my heart wasn't in it, and she probably sensed it. I waffled on the decision for 6 months before I surrendered her back to the rescue, and she ended up finding an amazing forever home with another small dog. It was just not a good fit, and neither one of us was fully happy. I'm sure if you decide to rehome, you will pick the best family.
 

Gray

Lairian
Joined
Mar 30, 2018
Messages
14
Points
24
@Gray Keep us posted on how you're doing and on your decision. I agree with @TheZu 's thoughts considering this is something that's been on your mind for a while. I went through something similar with a dog. I was so distraught when I lost my 11 y/o Shih Tzu suddenly to cancer that I went out and rescued an elderly Chihuahua to replace the hole in my heart...and pick up where I left off. I tried my best to love her and care for her, but my heart wasn't in it, and she probably sensed it. I waffled on the decision for 6 months before I surrendered her back to the rescue, and she ended up finding an amazing forever home with another small dog. It was just not a good fit, and neither one of us was fully happy. I'm sure if you decide to rehome, you will pick the best family.
Hey there,

I am in the process of finding her a forever home through this site, and it looks like I have found someone incredibly lovely to take her. still working on it. Thank you for sharing your experience and well wishes.
 
Top