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Changing his heart...

jfinner1

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I've been an animal lover since I was a very little kid. I was the girl that would bring home the injured mouse, or bird, stray cat, or dog, etc, all through my childhood. My mother truly dislikes animals, on a whole, and just didn't understand my love of all things furry, scaly, or feathered. I had 14 cats throughout my childhood. Of these cats, 3 are still alive, living with her, 4 were hit by cars, 4 were sent to my aunt's farm when they annoyed her, and 3 died due to her negligence. She just doesn't care. I've never understood this attitude.... I love my pets like they are my children, but to her, they are possessions, another expense, etc. When my rabbit got sick a little over a year ago, my mother told me to just have him put down. Luckily, I was an adult by that point, and I had enough money to pay for all of his vet bills, but she truly didn't understand why I would "waste" my money on an animal. (He pulled though and is perfectly happy and healthy now, btw) When I moved out of my parent's house, I was determined that I would never have to deal with that attitude again, that I would have as many pets as I wanted, so long as I could afford to properly take care of them.

And then I met my darling BF... He's everything I could every ask for in a partner, with one exception. He has pet allergies. But, he told me that they were manageable, and he actually wants to get a dog when we have a house with enough space for one (he wants a Newfoundland... Big dog...). When we moved in together, I brought my rabbit, but he lived outside, and my fish, but hey, they're fish. Then I rescued a bearded dragon. He was a bit annoyed, but he relented. Then we got Khepri (my sphynx), but we were just babysitting. When the option came up to keep Khepri, he was reluctant, but he agreed because he was already living there, so how different could it be? When Khepri was taken away, I was an emotional wreck, and he really didn't understand why I was so upset. It was just a cat. But he let me move the rabbit into the house. When I brought up rescuing another rabbit, he really disliked the idea, but I eventually convinced him. And when I found out that I could have Khepri back, I practically had to beg... I told him over and over that if it was just any cat, I could understand wanting to wait, which I really could, especially since I *just* got the second rabbit. But this was Khepri. He is MY cat, always has been, and to me, not bringing him home would be abandoning him. He hated the idea, we actually fought about it, and I can number the times we've fought one one hand, and still have a few fingers left over. He gave in, but he's still not happy about it.

I knew from the start of our relationship that this was going to be a constant rough subject for us. I'm the animal lover, he grew up without pets, and just doesn't have that soft spot in his heart for animals. But my goal in life is to have enough land to breed, raise, and show dogs (English Springer Spaniels to be precise), and I would love to foster cats, and have a rabbitat for rabbit rescue/fostering. Oh, and I want to own at least two horses. That's a lot of animals... I've been trying to ease him into things, but he just doesn't seem to want to budge. He seems to warm up a bit to some of the pets we have, but they're still just animals to him. Is there anything more I can do to change his heart?
 

Mews2much

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I can relate my husband is a dog person.
I made it very clear when we first went out that the cats would be with me no matter what.
I was stuck between getting a dog or another cat and he said get a cat even though he is a dog person.
He still will say stuff about the cats but I have 7 and will be breeding my Bombay.
BTW I am allergic to everything.
I even asked my husband if I should get a another sphynx or bombay and he said go for the bombay so that is how I got Kona.
He loves how they look like panthers.




 

Diesel

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I have said this numerous times:
Men come and go, your pets will always be loyal and by your side.
( By stating he is your BF, I take it to mean your boyfriend.)
 
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ckutkuhn7

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Yay!!! Another Ohio person. Let my first start by saying.....You can't change a man and if you do it will just get thrown in your face later. I know how it feels to think you finally found the perfect guy but you need to weigh what is really important to you. If you are truely as passionate about animals as you say I have to worry that this guy may not be "the one" for you.
If you really want to participate into animal rescueing then he has to be willing to accept that and understand your money will go towards that if he likes it or not. If he can not be ok with that then you might want to reconsider your future with him now. I wish I had a better answer but I am truely an animal lover and even when I am broker then broke I still provide for the strays that wonder through my yard, the wildlife around my house and my own pets. It is part of who I am and I am not willing to give that up for anyone or to waste my time fighting about it.

Goodluck, I hope it all works out for the best.
 

ckutkuhn7

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I can relate my husband is a dog person.
I made it very clear when we first went out that the cats would be with me no matter what.
I was stuck between getting a dog or another cat and he said get a cat even though he is a dog person.
He still will say stuff about the cats but I have 7 and will be breeding my Bombay.
BTW I am allergic to everything.
I even asked my husband if I should get a another sphynx or bombay and he said go for the bombay so that is how I got Kona.
He loves how they look like panthers.




Yes,,,discussing your pets prior to making the relationship is also key. I have always told the men I dated the cats where here before you and they will be here when you leave too!!

I have said this numerous times:
Men come and go, your pets will always be loyal and by your side.
( By stating he is your BF, I take it to mean your boyfriend.)
Yes!!! So true!! I live by that!!:ThumbsUp:
 

ElGatoLoco

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My mother is the exact same way. Sometimes I hate leaving Butterball with her because she doesn't really care about his well being. Sure, she'll feed him, scoop his litter, but that's the extent of her relationship. She can't stand for him to jump on her bed so she closes the door and Butternuts is free to roam the house. But he's a sphynx. He needs a blanket. He needs personal attention.

She even gets mad at me for paying so much attention to him.
 

abbyknitter

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tell him to lighten up and to start seeing them as the living breathing beautiful souls that they are. Some times I feel like I even like animals more then people...no offence to all of you people out there:Smile: Anywho he should just try looking at them in a different way <3
 

susi794

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My animals have been more loyal and loving than my husband ever was...I'll stay with them, thank you. I don't know how you change a person's heart--not sure you can.
 

misobaby

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My husband was a dog person, and allergic to cats when we met 12 years ago. At that time I had 2 cats and I told him that since they predated him in my life, he had to learn to deal. We blended his dog and my cats into one household.

When the allergy doctor told him that he had to get rid of the cats he told them that he couldn't and to help him figure out how to make it better, cause he wouldn't ask me to get rid of the cats.

We now have four cats: 3 Siamese and a Sphynx, and all have been gifts to me from him. He loves all of them and wouldn't trade them for the world.

(I got him a Bulldog so that he could have a pet he could actually pet)

Yes, his heart can change.
 

Diesel

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Benedrine works for those allergies.
 

Diesel

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El Gato Loco,
??????????????????????????????????????
 

Shauntay

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My darling man was not an animal person per say. Me on the other hand, my happiness depends on having animals in my life. I live with them, I spend my work days with them, every minute of every day I am surrounded by animals. Sean initially had an aversion to the sphynx and 200lbs great dane, but with in a day of meeting them he was sold! Now the dog sleeps on his side of the bed some nights. He is madly in love with the cats (he is a true sphynx lover, not keen on any other breeds tho) and he gladly accompanies me to all the cat shows I want. He has the camcorder out and you can tell he is just so proud of his little girl when she finals!

I dont think its a matter of changing his heart, he may eventually realize just how much he loves sphynx, they have this sneaky way of taking over your heart! :Wink:
 

linepp

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If your BF loves you for who you are, and you are an animal lover, even if he never becomes an animal lover, he should accept that part of you and embrace it. Then again, YOU may not be able to change his heart, but your SPHYNX might!!!! :BigSmile: Good luck!!
 

Gadzukz

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If your BF loves you for who you are, and you are an animal lover, even if he never becomes an animal lover, he should accept that part of you and embrace it.
This exactly! My mother is just like yours, hates animals and belittles me constantly for spending money on them. My husband did not grow up with pets and could really care less. If I got rid of every animal we now have he would not shed a tear. But he loves ME, and he knows this is who I am. Part of loving me is not only accepting it, but accepting them. This man cuddles with my cats, helps socialize the dogs, and renovates his home to accommodate the critters. I don't think he will ever completely understand why I feel the way I do, but he understands that it is a part of me and he loves ALL the parts of me.
 

marlene

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I knew from the start of our relationship that this was going to be a constant rough subject for us. I'm the animal lover, he grew up without pets, and just doesn't have that soft spot in his heart for animals. But my goal in life is to have enough land to breed, raise, and show dogs (English Springer Spaniels to be precise), and I would love to foster cats, and have a rabbitat for rabbit rescue/fostering. Oh, and I want to own at least two horses. That's a lot of animals... I've been trying to ease him into things, but he just doesn't seem to want to budge. He seems to warm up a bit to some of the pets we have, but they're still just animals to him. Is there anything more I can do to change his heart?
That right there. Re-read what you wrote and think about it. You have set ideas about who you are, who you want to be, and how you want to live. No matter how much you love your BF... it doesn't seem like he shares your goals.

No one is "perfect." We all have faults and need to learn how to compromise if we're going to have a successful relationship. But to be fair to both parties, there are certain core values that need to be disclosed and discussed when heading down a serious path. Things like religion, personal morals and ethics, children... and if pets are important to one of you then pets need to be included in those discussions.

There are basic things to all of us that make us who we are. Expecting someone to change in order to accommodate a core value is probably both unrealistic and unfair to everyone involved. If there is dissension about a core value then the relationship isn't likely to have a happy ending. And if you're already fighting about animals, how much worse do you think it's going to be in the future?
 

Nofuratu

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I agree with the last post!
It depends which of you has this subject as a "core belief"!
He may raise a stink, but be changable....or he may be anti animal in his heart, and hoping to change you! So you need to make it clear to him, that this is a core beleif for you. Either he will accept that about you, and bend, or it will be too much for him and he'll leave. If he's smart he'll know you are worth it.

My FIRST husband had NO pets growing up, didnt understand em and didnt want any, and he would raise a stink whenever I wanted another pet.
When we met I was entering Vet Tech school.....so really, he should have realised that one of us had to bend, and it wasnt going to be me!!
First I got 3 cats and some fish but our relationship took a bad turn when I brought home a coonhound puppy that Ive wanted since childhood.
We had been discussing getting a dog for at least a year and had been together a few years and were engaged. He put his foot down and said "no dog", and after realising he wasnt going to change his mind...I put my foot down and brought home a dog anyway and there was a lot of fighting especially during puppy training.
I do think bring him to obedience classes with the dog, and involving him with the training and activites helped him bond with the dog.
After that, we got a 150lb slobbering Neapolitan mastiff, 2 more cats and a tarantula!
The mastiff was his idea!
So he did bend!

Now Im in my 2nd marriage!!!! My first husband is in Budapest, and my coonhound that almost broke up that relationship is napping beside me while I type this....that says it all doesnt it?

My second husband was raised in a rural town and his family of 14 survived off his father's livelyhood as a trapper!! So when we met, he thought of animals as food, and as a job....nothing else! Most animals in our small town live outside chained to doghouse their whole lives.
He accepted my mastiff and coonhound, and cats and after me threatening to have a human baby for a year he gladly agreed to a sphynx. He now loves sphynx so much he sends me links on kittens for sale because he thinks we need a 2nd one!!
He also stars regularly in Nofuratu's blog "adventures of a naked cat"...and for a guy who used to shoot, trap and skin animals with pleasure, that is saying a lot!

So in my long winded post what I mean to say is "I think a sphynx will convert your man" and if it doesnt, then you will be perfectly happy with your new sphynx while you shop for another man. Seriously.

Adventures of A Naked Cat
 

Big Hoss

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My hubby would just as soon have no pets, and he just flat doesn't like cats(I know, I know). I have always had pets, and couldn't be happy without them. He loves me, so he loves (or tries) to love my pets. He want's to make ME happy so he puts up with the pets.
 

sydkat7

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I am in the same boat...I love animals and especially my cats, but my BF is just not a animal person. :Sad: Despite being in a relationship with me (and my cats) for almost 9 years, my BF is still not that crazy about my cats. However, he KNOWS that my cats are a BIG "part of the package" in the relationship he has with me, so he accepts and tolerates them. As a matter of fact, my BF and I will be buying a home together a year from now and he knows that the cats will be sharing the home with us (hence we'll have to buy a bigger home for all of us! :Wink:) My cats sense his indifference to them and pretty much leave him alone, except for Peppe who's decided that he likes my BF anyway and always tries to sit on his lap. :Dizzy:

I wish my BF could learn to love my cats more than he does, but I've accepted him as he is just as he's accepted me having my cats. Your BF may never be all that enamored of your pets, but you'll have to make the decision of whether or not you can live with it. If he's otherwise a great guy, you may decide that it's worth it to stay in the relationship with him even if he doesn't share your love of animals.
 

maxtmill

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Hello! It is a difficult thing when your S.O. does not share your love of animals. Animals & having pets (multiple pets) are part of my very soul. There can be no compromise there, I am afraid. Fortuneatly, my husband & I both love animals. he would not choose to have as many as we do, but he does helpout with their care & does like them. He definitely likes the dogs better than the cats, but I have caught him talking to them & he even lets them on his lap. If I ever considered dating a man (if I were not married), if he did not like my pets, the relationship would simply go no further. However, my priorities are different now - I have had my children. If I were a young woman wanting to build a family, I might settle for fewer pets as a compromise, but never agree to NO pets!
 

MissMySphynxBoys

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Follow what feels right to your heart. Your feelings (or even lack of) are uniquely yours, just like his feelings are uniquely his. As difficult as it may be, you both need to decide if you love each other enough to honor and respect your differences. If you cannot support one another in what makes the other happy without conditions or judgements perhaps you will find that your relationship is not quite right for either one of you. Good luck.
 

Candys

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My mother is the exact same way. Sometimes I hate leaving Butterball with her because she doesn't really care about his well being. Sure, she'll feed him, scoop his litter, but that's the extent of her relationship. She can't stand for him to jump on her bed so she closes the door and Butternuts is free to roam the house. But he's a sphynx. He needs a blanket. He needs personal attention.

She even gets mad at me for paying so much attention to him.
MY EX-HUSBAND WAS LIKE THAT. NOT THAT HE FED OR SCOOPED, HE WOULD JUST SAY "THERE YOU GO AGAIN KISSING ON THAT CAT!" "YOU'RE ALWAYS KISSING ON THAT CAT".
 

jfinner1

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My husband did not grow up with pets and could really care less. If I got rid of every animal we now have he would not shed a tear. But he loves ME, and he knows this is who I am. Part of loving me is not only accepting it, but accepting them. This man cuddles with my cats, helps socialize the dogs, and renovates his home to accommodate the critters. I don't think he will ever completely understand why I feel the way I do, but he understands that it is a part of me and he loves ALL the parts of me.

This sounds exactly like us, lol, except I'm the one doing any renovations (I can rewire a house, fix plumbing, and build walls, where he can barely pound in a nail, lol). He doesn't hate the pets, he's just indifferent. He lets them sit in his lap, checks their food and water, especially if I'm not feeling well, or had a really late night at work, even pets them sometimes. But he wouldn't care one bit if they all ran away. I guess that's really all I should ask for. Maybe he'll always bulk at the idea of adding a new pet, but I've found that so long as I can debate the situation logically we can come to a fair compromise. He's all about compromise, which is great. For example, when I wanted to add the second rabbit, I didn't start out the conversation with, "I want another bunny, he's so cute, isn't he adorable, you're just going to love him!" because that just wouldn't work since he didn't want another rabbit, and doesn't really care about the rabbit we have. Instead, I started with, "Sweetie, you know I've been thinking about getting a second rabbit, and I came across a male rescue that's the same age and size as Xenos, just what I was looking for. He's free and fully vetted, and he even comes with his own cage so there won't be any extra expense. I already figured out how much I pay in food and bedding for one bunny, and doubling that won't add any strain to our budget." Etc etc, you get the point. He saw the logic in my side of the discussion, had a few questions that I had logical answers for, and basically agreed immediately. The reason we fought about Khepri was because I didn't think there was any need for discussion, and was extremely emotional... (who of us wouldn't be, lol) I came up to him all excited because I could get my cat back, and immediately assuming that he would *want* the cat back, and was shocked and hurt when he said we needed to talk about it. And when we first talked about it all I could say were things like "But I *love* him!". When he'd ask a question like how we were going to pay for his food and litter, how much his shots and neuter would cost, and how we would deal with his reaction to the rabbits, the only answer I could give was "We'll figure it out, it will all be ok, because I *love* him!" Not a good answer for someone who doesn't love him, lol. After I sat down and figured it all out logically, and brought up the conversation again, logically, he was much more ok with it. The big compromise is that Khepri is the last animal that he will allow in this house for longer then a week (babysitting), with the exception of the death of one of our current pets (god forbid), in which case I can get a pet of the same type. The house is really too small for any more pets, and we're planning on buying a house together in 3-5 years (sooner if we can afford it, but that seems like the realistic time line). When that happens, we'll be adding two dogs to the mix, the Newfie for him, and another for me, haven't settled on a breed yet.

And I'm ranting, sorry, lol. My point is that I'll always hope that he can learn to love our pets as much as I do. But, as many of you have said, I guess he doesn't have to love them, so long as he loves me enough to accept them. And if that's the case, so far so good. :Smile:
 

ckutkuhn7

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Honestly, with Sphynx,,he will love him as you do in no time!! Jimmy is allergic to kitties and when I moved in it was agreed that after I completed my dental work which was already underway and started and if I still had enough money left over to get a Sphynx then I could get one. And luckily my dental insurance was kicka55 and I saved a ton and had money left over from my own pocket to get my first sphynx! Jimmy didn't care too much for her at first, however, within 2 or 3 months she had him wrapped. It was just about a month ago that he gave her a bath all on his own without me asking. Of course I already had water ran because I had given SoBe a bath but the fact that I didn't have to mention or ask says alot. He would have never taken that task on a year ago! He will come around...you'll see.
 
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