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Gandhi could use some well-wishes

ninnifer

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:cat:
image.jpg
It is with such a heavy heart and soul that I reach out to you this evening.... Knowing that you will understand the depth of love these little angels evoke in our hearts. Our little 5 1/2 year-old Gandhi is very sick, and we fear not going to be with us for much longer. And we want to do right by him.
After finally learning that I could not bear my own children, we brought Gandhi into our lives, having read-up on what bonded ties these cats make with their humans. And to be able to hold onto my very own baby with real skin-to-skin contact! What a joy! And to see this little animal jump for joy when he greeted me at the door each day, and feel his little paw on mine in the middle of the night. I prayed for a loving being to be brought into our lives, and Gandhi has been more than I could have ever wished for. I never knew there could flow such love btwn a human and an animal. My husband and I love him as much as the universe is vast.
But after months of intermittent fevers, one as high as 106 F, decreasing appetite and off-and-on sneezing bouts, all of which were none too serious except for their lack of resolution, Gandhi has been feeling pretty awful for the better part of this last week. Neither our local vet or professor vets at UC Davis Vet Hospital can tell us w certainty what is going on, except that he has extremely enlarged lymph nodes all over his body, lesions?/tumors?/thickening of the walls of his intestines, shady-looking spleen (lymphoma? Not "typical" though); a galloping heartbeat (HCM?); and now is showing signs of balance-loss, falling, and even had what looked like a seizure Sunday, passing out after looking off into space and repeated paw-paddling in the air while my husband held him on his side. Blood work showed electrolytes and sugar levels ok. He has a biopsy tomorrow at UCDavis of digestive tract to test for FIP.... In the meantime, he's not eating, at all. No longer sleeps with us. He has his own "bed" in our bed, and we have spent only a handful of nights apart (during overseas trips) ever.
My heart is breaking. My husband's heart is breaking. We love our baby boy oh soooooo much. We have decided we will not let him suffer if there is no possibility of treatment. We just did not expect this at such an early age. We know he was brought to us by grace, and he will be taken when he is called. It is just so so so so hard to accept that we soon may not be able to reach out to kiss our little angel again. We know he is more than his physical body, and that we will be reunited again. We will just miss those beautiful wrinkles, morning boogery-eyes, fuzzy forehead, quivering tail when he's happier than words can say, swollen "cheeks" and slapping tail when he's feeling frisky and ready to pounce, and the acrobatic antics out-of-nowhere "joie de vivre" he has helped us remember is the birthright of each of us.
The love space he created in our hearts is one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever known.
Thank you for hearing me
 

Hairless Blessing

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This is heartbreaking. I'm sorry
for him,your Husband and you.
I pray they find out what is wrong with him. Pray for God's will to be done. I know he can heal if he wants to. Sometimes it doesn't go the way we want. But it's for some reason.
We have to suffer sometimes with
heartbreak. But he will give us comfort and peace. I know you just don't want him to suffer. Prayers sent. Keep us updated.
 

Toa and Ross

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My heart breaks for you, ypur husband and Gandhi. Sending all healing vibes and keep all fingers and paws crossed they'll find what's wrong with Gandhi and that they can help him.
Thinking of you.
 

Catzzzmeow

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Lair prayers are sent your way. Your sweet boy knows nothing different than your love and that is so special.

Patti
 
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Xandria

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Hello. I am so very sorry to read your tale. My heart is just aching for you and in complete understanding (Hubby and I have no children and our Max is our everything).

Sending healing vibes your way and hopes for a resolution. Hugs.
 

Yoda mom

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@ninnifer, oh dear ... My heart aches for you ...((hugs)) to you and your husband and soft kisses to Gandhi...
Your love for Gandhi leaps off the page ...I understand the depth of this love - never having had children myself -
I truly get each and every word ...

They count on us for selfless love and only know our love -
Seeing all that love shared in your arms . Phew... Priceless
What a very very special picture - thank you for sharing .

Prayers sent for his visit ... Sending ((((squeezes )))) of comfort and support ...
Please please know we are here for you and yours and Gandhi
 

ninnifer

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image.jpg
Hello again friends,
So, the vet student called late yesterday, and the biopsy results are inconclusive still. No cancer, but now the suspicion is even higher for FIP - Feline Infectious Peritonosis (sp?). Has anyone here had issues w that? Blood tests are being run, and perhaps we will have more word early next week. But it seems pretty clear that he's dying.
This is just awful. My heart and soul feel as if they will just break into a million pieces. My poor little baby had such joy and such a loving home, and I just can't understand why it's his time to leave us.
I spent the day in bed w him today after he managed to crawl onto my chest as I lay in bed, as he always used to do when I meditated. It used to irritate me when he'd dig one of his paws into a rib mid "mommy's zen time," but as he got sicker and did it less and less, I've started to miss his warmth and weight. Today I savored every moment. I snuggled him any way he wanted, sang him the "soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.... Sleepy kitty, happy kitty, purr, purr, purr" song as much as he wanted, and even got him a little frisky w his eyes turning all crazy black kissing and playing w his tail that kept peeking up from the bed covers. Such precious, precious moments!! Work can wait. This is what life is really all about!!
Thank you again! Can't wait to hear back for you ;)

Below: earlier days of finding other inappropriate places to sit!
image.jpg
 

Catzzzmeow

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I am so sorry to hear they are leaning toward FIP. It is a horrible disease. Yes, unfortunately we have seen too many members experience this gut wrenching diagnosis as well, FIP can happen at any age, but we have seen it mostly before the age of 2. In the search bubble type in FIP and many (too many) results will pop up. There are 2 forms of FIP wet and dry you can read up on as well. You are doing the right thing...just keep loving and then love some more.

Patti
 

Xandria

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I am so very very sorry to hear that signs point to FIP. My thoughts are with you right now. Focus on Gandhi, share your special love, and just be with him. Hugs.
 

Hairless Blessing

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Oh, I'm sorry. This is so sad. Bless your heart. I have no doubt
you are broken into millions of pieces. Will lift you up in prayers
for comfort and peace. Pray your baby doesn't suffer.
 

ninnifer

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Good morning friends, it is truly is with gratitude for the support and well of understanding I feel from you, this group of dear, dear people -brought together by the greatness of our love for these precious beings - that I reach out again. We sent our beloved Gandhi off to his next adventure two nights ago after he put up such a courageous fight. In fact, right before taking him to the vet, he perked up when he smelled my husband's human pate, (a previous favorite, and totally naughty treat!)and when daddy offered, he gobbled it up, spoon after spoonful. What a joy to see after nearly three weeks of refusing almost everything - gradually turning into a sack of bones before our eyes. But the doctor reassured us that there was no turning back, with the multitude of tumors throughout his body, the worsening neurological state, and the poor baby couldn't even get up anymore to shift positions. We gave him some pain patches left over from my own surgeries (which Gandhi himself nursed me through, in his own way that no human could) which did seem to make him more at ease. I just struggled so much w the decision of whether to allow his death to come to him naturally, or to end it ourselves... not wanting to impose my own human will of time-table or my own inability to rest w my own emotional intolerance of the process. But it is now done. I held him with eye contact, gazing into those big beautiful blues, all the way over to that mysterious place beyond , and now I know he is free. And I no longer struggle w that decision. .......
I'm just struggling trying to figure out what to do with this hole in my heart. I miss my baby soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. I hurt. I feel a pain in my heart that feels like it will crush me.
I have held his body and find peace. I prayed to know that he is safe, not afraid, and to know somehow that his energy continues to live on. While holding his body, I envisioned a constellation of stars being borne out of twinkling lights floating in a dark cave, in an expanding swirl being set free from the vacuum of the depths of the that dark place where he knew I was afraid he was. The stars dissipated into the great sky, not disappearing, but being joined again. He showed me that. He allowed me to see that his spirit, our spirits are far too great to be contained for eternity. We must grow. There are worlds to behold beyond our comprehension. Of course were afraid, because we don't understand. But it's okay.
I pray that I can keep holding onto this knowing that's it's okay.

image.jpg
 

Catzzzmeow

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I teared up reading your beautiful tribute to Ghandi. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. He touched your heart like only a Sphynx can. Hugs are sent your way.

Patti
 

Yoda mom

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@ninnifer, (((comforting hugs))) to you and your husband.

Your selfless love and your eternal spiritual bond with Gandhi resonates from each word of your most eloquent tribute and photographs of ^ Gandhi ^

May your hearts be filled with his eternal spirit - gaze to the sky and feel him everywhere-

"There is no death , only a change of worlds " - Chief Seattle

"Where there is love there is life " - Gandhi

Namaste,
Tammy
 

Xandria

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I'm coming to this thread a little late but wish to offer my sincerest and most heartfelt condolences. You did so well by Gandhi. Your tribute is tearfully beautiful. Sending you healing vibes and hugs.
 
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