How do we help grieving cats? We will miss you Math Cat.

Discussion in 'In loving memory of...' started by TheTopaz, Jan 29, 2016.

  1. TheTopaz

    TheTopazLairian

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    We lost Math (2003-2016) last night to advanced HCM with complications, I won't get in to details because it's just too sad for me right now, we are devastated. He was a huge part of our family and will be forever missed.

    I was wondering if anyone here has dealt with cat grief before? Our surviving cat family member, Carbon is very upset. I tried to comfort him but beside extra cuddles I am unsure how to help? He is having nightmares (some angry meows in his sleep), howling, pacing, and a general lack of sleep in our house of multiple members of the household.
     
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    • Catzzzmeow

      CatzzzmeowModerator Staff Member

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      Our boy mourned the loss of our little girl a few years ago. He meowed through the house looking for her for days. It made me so sad. We gave more attention and more playtime. If you have some blankets that Math used, tried not to wash them for a while so his scent remains. It will take time, but you can help him get through it and in the meantime Carbon can also help you in return.

      Again I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

      Purrs and Peace,

      Patti
       
      Last edited: Jan 29, 2016
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      • Toa and Ross

        Toa and RossGold Lairian Notable Member

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        So sorry for the loss of Math! Think you're doing the only thing you can do: giving Carbon extra attention and cuddles.
         
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        • 1sphynxlover

          1sphynxloverV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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          My heart breaks for you. I know all too well what your going through. When Yoda passed a couple of months ago, Pinky became so despondent, she actually had to go on medicine. Animals grieve just like we do. I engaged in more playtime, extra attention. I really doted on her. I left all of Yodas things out for Pinky. Pinky was very sensitive and shy and that's why I think it bothered her so much. Keep an eye out on changes in their appetite. Pinky got to where she quit eating and that was the main reason she was given anti depressants. I also tried to keep from going to pieces around her. They pick up on our moods. I lost 2 precious babies in 5 months, it's been hell. When Pinky passed, Sissy (our Maltese) laid next to her and growled when we went to move her. She kept guard for about 3 hours. All 3 of them were babies together. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know there's no words I can say to ease your pain, but I'm thinking of you guys and sending prayers. I don't think we ever get over it, we just learn to cope with it better.
           
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          • assibassi

            assibassiGold Lairian Notable Member

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            I am so sorry for your and your families Loss.
            Our Cornie died last year February and all our Animals missed him a lot. Specially the little boy Sphynx that grew up with him and Hansel ( the cornie ) taught him everything. He became a Corner Child with hanging head. He still is a bit of a corner Child even almost a year later. He seems to be a bit of a loner now. Our other Sphynx cat just loves the Dog so much, she don't want to play much with the baby. ( i still call him baby, he will be 4 this year ) .
             
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            • Xandria

              XandriaGold Lairian Notable Member

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              I am so so so so very sorry for your loss. I'm sitting here in tears. For you, and your family (human and feline). Time heals, but it's not intended to erase. The aches will come and go, and lessen in time. The memories will be held dear for all time. I firmly believe this is true with both humans and felines. I wish I had actual advice to give, but others already have and will continue to. I just wish to extend my most sincere condolences. HUGS.
               
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              • GoldHazel

                GoldHazelGold Lairian Notable Member

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                @TheTopaz I'm so sorry for your loss and just as sorry to hear about Carbon's deep sadness.
                If Math Cat had any special toys (especially a plush stuffed animal type) or as previously mentioned: a blanket or bed, etc., leave them out for Carbon.
                My experience was different when I lost my angel Sissy. She had her three brothers and one sister to comfort her during her dry FIP. They always cuddled with her and kept her extra warm and toasty when she would just lay in bed with fevers. They all knew that Sissy was very ill.
                The day that Sissy went to the Rainbow Bridge, I put a big blanket on the floor and as I sat on it holding Sissy. I invited my other four sphynx and my two dogs to say, "Goodbye" to Sissy. They all somehow knew, I can't explain it. So after Sissy and I went to the vet for the last time and I returned without her, my other pets didn't search for her or didn't become overly saddened by her not returning.
                They were all close to her. She was loved by all.
                The strangest thing, one night after she was gone, I'm laying in bed with my other nakeds and I thought I saw Sissy in my doorway. With that, all of my nakeds picked up their heads and looked over at the doorway!

                Math Cat is still with you and Carbon, just not in the way that you two would have wanted. I will give you a piece of advice other than hold Carbon close to you and give plenty of attention as you are doing: Try not to feel sad around Carbon. Carbon is picking up on your emotions and it's obviously not helping any.

                I'm not telling you not to be sad. I'm still sad over losing Sissy and it's over a year now. I still cry because I loved her so very much, but I just don't allow myself to be that way when I'm giving my all to my other nakeds.

                I hope you understand what I'm saying because this can help Carbon.
                Wishing you the very best and again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
                RIP Math Cat

                BIG hugs...
                 
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                • admin

                  adminAdministrator Staff Member

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                  So sorry to hear of your loss. RIP Math.
                   
                • Yoda mom

                  Yoda momModerator Staff Member

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                  @TheTopaz , thinking of you and Carbon ...
                  Sending comforting ((( hugs)) and head smooches

                  Our babies are sensitive to the energies of loss and are in tune to our emotions.
                  I too kept out fav blankets and also brought home a couple of new toys to play and tried to stay on the routine as much as possible. If there are other fur/fur less kids .. It took sometime for the hierarchy adjustment in which there can be swats, growls , etc. as they settle.
                  Some may think it silly but I also found it healing , to gently cuddle and talk to my babies and tell them their friend is free of pain now and flying high and free with the bridge angels and doesn't want to see us sad..

                  To try to stay on the routine which they thrive on is so so hard when our hearts are hurting. I would find myself trying not to cry in front of them and even take a moment to go out in the garden.
                  Continued thoughts and prayers to all the hearts ^Math^ touched forever
                  Please know we are here for you and Carbon..((hugs)))
                   
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                  • marniepullin

                    marniepullinLairian

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                    I'm sorry about your baby. HCM is so ugly. I've had two pass away due to HCM and one living with it (Felix). When my second boy died Felix was very depressed and heart broken. I finally decided I needed to look for a little brother or sister for him. It took about a month before they were old enough, but I ended up flying to another state and bringing home a little brother and sister for him. They kept Felix very entertained and they became instant snuggle buddies. I'm not sure if that's a good idea for all grieving cats but it worked for mine and I now have three crazy kitties again.....but miss the heck out of my two boys...and definitely not looking forward to watching Felix go through it
                     
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                    • Hairless Blessing

                      Hairless BlessingGold Lairian Notable Member

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                      I don't know how I missed this post.
                      I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray the Lord will comfort
                      and strengthen you.
                       
                    • HappyLilSphynx

                      HappyLilSphynxLairian

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                      I am sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my 3-year-old sphynx baby just before Christmas to a blood clot (she had multiple heart conditions, including HCM). Safari's kitty "brother," Atlas, had no idea what happened; Safari never showed any symptoms, and if I hadn't taken her to her annual exam we might have have never known there were any problems. Everything happened in the middle of the night and Atlas didn't even see her leave.

                      He searched for her relentlessly for days. He didn't eat much, looked in all of her favorite spots, places she played, all of the places she slept, etc. I asked at my vet's office, and one of the vets asked if I'd considered getting a kitten - but I'm not ready. They also suggested giving him extra affection, babying him more than normal, and leaving out blankets with Safari's scent on them. He's never been one to play much, but I've tried to get him to play a bit, too. One of the vet techs mentioned getting a stuffed cat (or other stuffed animal) for him; I had a stuffed kitty I was planning to donate to toys for tots, but figured I'd give it a try. I didn't notice a difference ... when my dad visited, though, he moved the stuffed kitty from the bed to the cat tree - and the next morning Atlas bolted up to it as soon as he saw it (normally, he never bothers with the cat tree).

                      Unfortunately, more than 2 months later, Atlas is still searching for Safari (he's actually looking under an armchair at the moment). He's back to eating normally, but I think he misses the companionship. The vet said that one of her cats mourned for 2 years after another of her cats died, and that sometimes the "new normal" can mean new behaviors.

                      I hope that Carbon is feeling better, and that all of Math's humans know how much love he felt every single day <3
                       
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                      • TheTopaz

                        TheTopazLairian

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                        Thank you everyone that responded here. It took us a long time to move on. We adopted another sphynx kitten, approx. 9 months later and Carbon's health literally improved overnight, he was acting happy and normal again. I regret not getting him a brother sooner!

                        We also learned in the time before getting him his new brother, that he has a mental illness (which I never knew cats could get too). So he is extra sensitive about things, in general. We still miss Math cat and probably always will, but thankfully now things are more balanced in the home. Wishing you all the best, with your cat babies!
                         
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                        • Anita Eccleston

                          Anita EcclestonV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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                          Hello I know this thread as been on a while ,
                          Would you mind explaining what mental illness our fur babies can get ?
                          Is this something from birth to leaving mum , or a result of leaving the litter ?
                          I really am very interested to know about this
                          Hugs
                          Anita & Cleo xxx
                           
                        • TheTopaz

                          TheTopazLairian

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                          Hi Anita (and Cleo),
                          The cat mental illness issue seems pretty unknown by vets still so I don't have a lot of details. But it manifested for us in self inflictions or Feline Hyperesthesia Syndrome (FHS) and when Carbon got depressed it was very heavy (like never waking up, very little eating and nothing made him purr). I don't know if he was born with this or not, when he was younger it wasn't an issue and it definitely was triggered when his older brother Math died because they were very bonded. He was diagnosed with mental illness after a FHS episode and when he did not respond normally to a medication, which was indicating Carbon is (most likely) bipolar. He is very different than my other sphynx cat experiences, more sensitive, too smart and seemingly aware of our human emotions/reactions.

                          I hope this helps! Wishing you the best. xo
                           
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                          • Anita Eccleston

                            Anita EcclestonV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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                            Hi , oh dear me ! That is just terrible I went through some mental illness after the car crash that’s left me disabled but to think our little naked babies or any animal can suffer is just horrible ! At least we are able to speak up if we choose to ,
                            I can imagine the pain you were going through losing your math but you could speak of that hurt , we really do need to learn more about our naked babies and fur babies . Carbon is so fortunate to have you
                            Please keep us up dated on carbon poor baby
                            Pm me your address I would like to send some little treats to cheer him up
                            Hugs
                            Anita & Cleo xxx
                             
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