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I Relapsed

Candys

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I had a bad relapse tonight. Tears were shooting out of my eyes like bullets. It has been almost a year that Kika crossed the rainbow bridge. Something from the Lair earlier reminded me of the dreams he used to have. He would talk in his sleep. It would sound like he was calling out to a long lost lover - so sorrowful and it would last awhile - enough to wake me up and to hear him continue until I woke him up. Kika was my LOVER. We would sit on the sofa and watch TV - he would sit on my thigh with his front paws on my shoulder and he would kiss me. One time he gave me a REAL mouth to mouth kiss. (No tongue :Wink:) He would wait at the door to greet me when I came home from work. He would snuggle next to me EVERY night. He gazed at me constantly in a loving way. We were in love.

Dinka is still a kitten and does not go for much of the lovey stuff. He takes all my kisses without complaint but he does not come to me to love on me. The only time he comes to me is when he wants to nurse on my neck. OK so I was desperate for cat love and let him nurse my neck a couple of times. I am only human.

I just wish all my past kitties were here. I miss them all. Kika of Kikaju I love you. I just love all of them.

Thank you for putting up with my relapse. I actually feel better now - knowing there are kindred spirits that have relapses to.
 

sphynxie

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Kika sounds like a beautiful soul and a wonderful soulmate to you. I'm sorry he is no longer with you. You two had a relationship that all us sphynx owners dream about. I hope that Dinka will comfort you and help to fill the void. We are always here whenever you need us:BigSmile:
 

Gizzymom

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Anniversaries can be very hard... You can relapse all you want here... We do understand... and we are all here for you, Candys.... And even though Dinka is a crazy kitten still... you KNOW he loves you to bits!!!:Smile:
 

Candys

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He sounds like a beautiful boy... And thanks for reminding all of us that these relapses are normal... I think all of us who have lost a cat have been in your shoes more then once.

You are definately right about that. I would hate to lose one to a long term illness like HCM. Getting my bracelet tomorrow.
 

Ella_B

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Awww Candys, it sounds like Kika was one in a million. My gran passed away two years ago (I consider losing a beloved pet losing a member of your family, so I hope you find comfort here) and just a few months ago I wrote this in my journal when I too was having a relapse:

'I don't know what triggered this, but much as it hurts, a part of me finds comfort in the fact that this isn't easy and that I'm still moved to tears when I dwell here too long. I don't ever want to forget her.'

The tears and the sadness and the loss can feel unbearable, but they're also a tribute to Kika and how much he meant to you. That love never dies.
 

NakedNinja

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Huge hugs!

When our vet told us Gabe had breast cancer, I came home, held him, and cried for two days straight. I had to call out of work, because I couldn't function. I totally get it. At one point I told hub "I don't think I can go on living without him."

Fortunately, the tumors were benign and he is still by my side, curled in the crook of my knee, happily licking himself. But there isn't a day that goes by when I don't silently thank God, my vet, the surgical team, my friends and family, even complete strangers who sent good thoughts and prayed for my little man.

Here's hoping that your new baby will grow to develop a very special, if different, closeness with you, and help ease the pain of your loss.
 

kiennasmom

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Kika sounds like a beautiful soul. Don't feel bad about relapsing...I think that remembering our babies is healthy. Kienna (RIP) has been gone almost 2.5 years and there are still times when all of a sudden I will have a memory of him and just bust into sobs. Kika still loves you and you still love him. That will never change!! {hugs}
 

MissMySphynxBoys

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Sending you supportive and comforting thoughts, my friend.

Each one of our Sphynx babies are unique so in turn our relationships with each one are different.

Kika was very special to you. You will always miss him, but I hope over time missing him will be less painful and more comforting.
 

firehillqueen

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The day after Christmas was the anniversary of losing Singe to HCM. I cried off and on all day, but it was worse that night dreaming of him in my arms. Next month, same day, will be the anniversary of the loss of Du. I still wake up at night and reach for my dearest Du. I hold my sweet babies close and kiss their bald little heads... but my heart still aches for my first two sweet Sphynx.


Du

Singe
 

Candys

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The day after Christmas was the anniversary of losing Singe to HCM. I cried off and on all day, but it was worse that night dreaming of him in my arms. Next month, same day, will be the anniversary of the loss of Du. I still wake up at night and reach for my dearest Du. I hold my sweet babies close and kiss their bald little heads... but my heart still aches for my first two sweet Sphynx.


Du

Singe

Sweet babies. I am so sorry.
 

Candys

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Such kind words, kinship and emotional support. Thank you so much. I have been coming home and just hanging out on the sofa to have cuddle time with the Meezer, Dinka and Mom - Bev the 9 year old has his own agenda. I love the comforting feeling of cats snuggling against me - feeling their warmth - gazing into glazed and sleepy eyes half squinting with love. I need to paint his picture. Yes - I will paint his picture within this month.:Smile:
 

abbyknitter

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*hugs* Abby isn't always a lover either...I always say though that she secretly loves me <3 She has also gotten more cuddley as she has been growing up. I am sure your baby loves you lots <3
I am sorry for your loss, Your baby sounds like an angel <3
 

xxx_phoenix_xxx

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Hugs to you hun, sounds like Kika was a lovely kitty. no need to feel silly for still feeling sad and having a relapse its normal your only human.
time is a good healer but we never forget and i'm sure Kika is still with you ,it sounds like you had one amaizing bond
take care hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

NinaGato

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I cry every time it is Roland's birthday.

That is all I can say about him with out bursting into tears while typing and it has been 4 years.
I feel for you very much.
 

Jennifer

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Oh that brought tears to my eyes. How sad. They are such wonderful individuals. I think of my babies all day and can't wait to get home to be with them. They are so special.
 

tessblack

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Oh it is so hard, I feel it sometimes too with my old kitties that have passed. I have to say that I never had a bond with them that I already have with these guys. I just don't want to imagine. When these thing happen it is only because they are so special and so close in your memory and heart always.
 
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I am so sorry for your loss and I know exactly how you feel. I lost my dear Ocho boy in May 16,2010. He was my first sphynx. His birth date was 8-8-08 so he was still a healthy young cat. He was such a lovely boy. One night he died in my son's bedroom right in front of all of us. I brought him a tomb stone and buried him under my favorite willow tree. It took me weeks not to cry during work( I am a high school teacher). When I came home from work I would just start crying. Ocho's mate and best friend Bella was so sad she actually stopped eating and had to be put on depression medicine. It took a long long time to get through a whole day with out crying. After time my husband brought me a new male sphynx and we named him Kenji ( which means second son in Japanese) His looks are nothing like Ochos' but he reminds me so much of Ocho( the way he meows or the way he cleans his paws). My other sphynxs helped my heart heal. I will never forget Ocho. He will always be in my heart.He showed me how much love you can give and get from a cat. It always feels better to talk about Ocho when I get sad about losing him because he was such a special cat and is never far out of my mind. :Smile:
 

Candys

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I am so sorry for your loss and I know exactly how you feel. I lost my dear Ocho boy in May 16,2010. He was my first sphynx. His birth date was 8-8-08 so he was still a healthy young cat. He was such a lovely boy. One night he died in my son's bedroom right in front of all of us. I brought him a tomb stone and buried him under my favorite willow tree. It took me weeks not to cry during work( I am a high school teacher). When I came home from work I would just start crying. Ocho's mate and best friend Bella was so sad she actually stopped eating and had to be put on depression medicine. It took a long long time to get through a whole day with out crying. After time my husband brought me a new male sphynx and we named him Kenji ( which means second son in Japanese) His looks are nothing like Ochos' but he reminds me so much of Ocho( the way he meows or the way he cleans his paws). My other sphynxs helped my heart heal. I will never forget Ocho. He will always be in my heart.He showed me how much love you can give and get from a cat. It always feels better to talk about Ocho when I get sad about losing him because he was such a special cat and is never far out of my mind. :Smile:


I burried my first Sphynx under a willow tree. Her mother died in my arms - she had cancer. I like the name Ocho. I guess it was because of his birthdate. Thank you for sharing.
 
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