Let's Get Back To Being Friendly | Sphynxlair

Let's Get Back To Being Friendly

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by susi794, Jun 11, 2010.

  1. susi794

    susi794Moderator Staff Member

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    :Cry::Cry: Where has "the friendliest place I know" gone? :Cry::Cry: I want it back. It seems like the last few days the posts haven't seemed so friendly. I don't want to lose my friends here on the Lair--you have all pulled me through some pretty dark times and I love you all so much. But the whole atmosphere hasn't been so nice very recently. C'mon everyone--I know we have a lot of passion for the breed, but let's not lose sight of how much we care about each other too.
    Please?
    Hugs,
    Susi and the gang
     
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    • ElGatoLoco

      ElGatoLocoV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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      It's people like you that make it so friendly and fun. We can't lose you susi! It'll be fun again.
       
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      • susi794

        susi794Moderator Staff Member

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        Thanks, Mike--you make it fun too! You and the Ball always make me smile!:ThumbsUp:
         
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        • ranalashae

          ranalashaeBanned

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          I have a question. I have not been apart of this forum for very long, but do people on this site actually know each other? I have been reading posts trying to figure that out!! haha Maybe that is an add question. Everyone seems so nice here it is hard to know if people have actually met, and are friends in person too!! :BigSmile:
           
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          • admin

            adminAdministrator Staff Member

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            Thanks Susi, I agree it has got a little fired up in the past few days. And it was very hard to keep my personal feelings out of it as you can see. The hard part we have at Sphynxlair is separation of what to let continue right or wrong. My wife and I followed these threads yesterday talking back and forth, "should we just end it?"We do not want to be a policed forum which at times I feel it is. But I try my hardest to keep it as you said, "freindly".

            We have lost a member today that was abused outside of Sphynxlair through emails. Now, what I will say is that the member who left had been asked not to display or promote her personal site but did any way and I believe that is how she was contacted through personal emails. That is one reason we do not allow breeder information , or advertisement in your personal information, etc. I want this place to be a website all can come to, owners and breeders and just share and enjoy everyday stories about our Sphynx cats.

            I just want people to share opinions whether good or bad. I guess? If I thought something in my opinion was not right, should I have stepped in? who's feelings would have been hurt? Either way I loose someone. That's why it is so hard to make decisions of when to stop it. In the past I would step in with my opinion which at times has been harsh and it has ended the thread and moved on. Not this time, it just kind of started somewhere else. That being said, maybe all the old timers here need to get together and decide what we really want to be here at Sphynxlair?

            Or would that limit us? Maybe breeding and chronic health issues should be left elsewhere? Maybe ask breeders to kindly not share with the Lair that they are sphynx breeders? That is what seems to "fire up" the Lair in the past. Please any input to keep us together would be welcome, feel free to PM me your thoughts, or share them here please be neutral only. I will be honest, if it was up to me, I would have two threads that were unable to be replied to 1.HCM, heres what it is, DONE. 2. Breeding, here are a few recommendations blah, blah, blah, and lock those threads so you cannot reply and move on.

            If someone or a new member ask a question on these two subjects either, point them to those threads and not say another word? Would that lead new people away from here because we lack knowledge or participation about these subjects? I don't know its so confusing....... They are important subjects but are very opinionated subjects of what everyone thinks is right or wrong, and people feel strong in their beliefs.

            Admin

            P.S. no ranalashae, I think most of us have become very close on Sphynxlair, being we have been through a lot of happy and sad times together, and have become close through the site. Thats what makes this place so special!
             
            Last edited: Nov 1, 2012
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            • Mug-ys mumma

              Mug-ys mummaV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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              I haven't really been on here for over a week (and oh how i've missed it!!) The reason I miss it is because I love all you guys so much! You're the best people EVER for impartial, helpful advice, I don't wanna see that ruined either :Cry: BIG LOVES TO EVERYONE!!

              XxXxX
               
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              • ilovemysphynx

                ilovemysphynxAdministrator Staff Member

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                I do agree with Susi, and my husband is correct! It is very hard sometimes to sit here and read a post that you know is hurting feelings or pointing fingers there are days I call him at work a hundred times because it is a decision I don't want to make on my own, do we leave it? close it? or speak up? We do not want anyone to feel they can not say what is on their mind or speak how they feel. We also do not want pointing fingers or bashing.
                Everyone will not agree with everything all the time, so the best thing to do is think before you post, and if you do not agree keep emotions out of it!!!!:ThumbsUp:
                 
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                • MissMySphynxBoys

                  MissMySphynxBoysGold Lairian Notable Member

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                  I'm with you Susi. I'm here to offer encouragement and friendship to people I don't know, but share a common love for the Sphynx with. I come somewhat out of loneliness to look at all the pictures and read about all the funny (and not so funny) antics. The stories here remind me of my boys and warm my heart.

                  To Admin and ILoveMySphynx, I take may hat off to you. My husband and I once ran an online gaming based MSN Group for a good 5+ years. The site was great when it was small and easy to manage, and was fun for us to do as a couple (although our members didn't know we were married) However, as membership and our group's popularity grew it became a lot of work. We had a "keep it nice" rule but that human element constantly made it difficult to manage. The site became a chore and sapped us out of the fun we once had. When MSN moved the groups to Multiply the site information was lost in the transition. We were sad about the loss, but relieved at the same time. I admire the work you have put into Sphynx Lair and pray that it will always be fun for you both.


                  And just a side note to ranalashae I don't know anyone here in person and don't even know more than a handful of names. I like being a happy idiot. :ThumbsUp:
                   
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                  • susi794

                    susi794Moderator Staff Member

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                    Admin,
                    I like the site just the way it is---since I have been a member there have been a couple of incidents of people getting what seemed to me, really mean. One you took care of behind the scenes, the others took care of themselves. I remember the one time a totally inappropriate comment was made and we all said something--then one of us (rightly so) mentioned that everyone deserves a second chance and that she was going to give that person one--and the rest of us followed suit. I was contacted by a member yesterday who had all but decided to leave this site over the way she was treated....and that just isn't the Sphynx Lair that I know and love.

                    I don't want there to be things I can't talk about here--all those questions are important to me if I bother to ask them. I just want people to be nice and to realize that EVERYONE has an opinion and a set of values of some kind--and that when we disagree, that's ok--but you disagree by stating an opinion or educating the members about something. For example--everybody here knows that gizmo is passionate about HCM scanning--but I don't ever recall her being abusive to people that haven't scanned their cats. Instead she tries to educate us. As a teacher, I can tell you that people learn more when the atmosphere is one of kindness and caring. Hurray for you, gizmo! No one that I know of has ever learned anything by being attacked or made to feel stupid. I know when passions get fired up, courtesy can go right out the window.

                    I didn't start this thread to complain about anything you have done, Admin or ilovemysphynx--I adore this site. I think you do a marvelous job--I was just trying to give a gentle reminder that people have feelings here--and that we can't lose sight of that. We should, in this day and age, recognize that hate words aren't acceptable. PERIOD. Terms like BYB are insulting....and they are meant to be. No one ever called anyone that out of love. So I just like that we can police ourselves--let's remember that we all have opinions--we can all agree or disagree with whatever we see fit--but no one has the right to be hateful or hurtful. I don't have to agree with everything you all say. I can offer an opposing opinion and I can try to convince you I'm right--as you can try to convince me. But you do it through facts and kindness--not name calling and hurtful words. I hate to hear that anybody would leave this wonderful site because people were being mean.

                    So, Admin--I don't need to PM you--I love this site. I love that we have an open, unpoliced, free to express an opinion place to go. When I was feeling low people rallied around me, sent me gifts to help where ever they could, we have supported each other through happy and sad times, we're planning an online baby shower for one of our members, we have secret santas, etc. The list is endless! Where else can you go online to find anything even remotely like that? Nowhere.
                    So let's all step up to the plate and play nice. It's everybody's job to see to it that this is a great place--not just the admins'.

                    And ranalashae, some of us may have met at different places out in the world, but most of us have never laid eyes on each other.....at least I think that's true???
                     
                    Last edited: Jun 11, 2010
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                    • gizmo6370

                      gizmo6370Banned

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                      Imho every subject should be open to discussion....but in a kind and respectful way....no finger pointing or calling names :Smile:
                       
                    • Bella07

                      Bella07Banned

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                      Even though I haven't been a member for long, not even three months yet (though it feels so much longer!) I love this site.

                      I love that people are friendly, open, and understanding. Such great advice is always offered, with great ideas that may have never crossed my mind. I feel like everyday I learn something new about the Sphynx breed, it's fascinating to me.

                      I really hope that we can keep it as it is, and talk about any subject that crosses our minds, whether it has to do with breeding, showing, cat fashion, whatever it may be!
                      Just as the others have said---as long as we are all respectful and are not accusatory, everything should hopefully stay peaceful.

                      And Thank You Admin and ILoveMySphynx for all of the wonderful work that you have put into this site. I love coming home after long day of work, to relax and enjoy my time spent on here. It's such a warm and informative place, I really appreciate all of your efforts. I hope that I can be a member of this site for years to come--so Thank You!
                       
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                      • Jinxlover

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                        I am also a lover of SL.. I hate to see it this way...:Cry:

                        People have opinions, but in the end that's what it is, just that persons OPINION! Everyone thinks they are entitled to there opinion, but that the next person is not. They think they are right so that justifies being cruel and unkind. WHY? b/c there opinion is different? Just like everyone else I have an opinion, but have not one time(on this board) been mean or cruel to anyone over it. I like my Sphynx lair friends, I like that the SL is a place you can come and not worry about getting flamed for your opinion.

                        I think in the end we have to let others have there opinion even if it is different than ours. For some that's very hard to do, It use to be hard for me to do.No one has ever changed there way of thinking/doing thing from someone being mean to them. They may leave the board, but they are still doing what ever it is they do!
                        If the world would just agree to disagree it would be a better place..

                        That's my .02
                         
                      • ckutkuhn7

                        ckutkuhn7Banned

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                        I totally agree that this forum is the best on the net and it doesn't get any better than this! Yes things have been a little rough the past few days which is pretty much why I didn't say anything at all. lol I could tell tempers were heated and I hope everyone can gather themselves and we can be the forum we always have been. I know I've only been here for 6 months or so but this is my daily dose of Sphynx. A place I can go and talk about my cat like I want too and people not look at me like I'm a complete wack job! lol You may see me that way but atleast I can't tell!! lol

                        Anyhow,,I love this place and admin and ilovemysphynx,,,you do a great job of keeping this the best place I know! I love knowing that if something were to ever happen and I had a question or what not that I could come here and there is atleast one person who can relate to me. That brings me great comfort!

                        Love all you guys!!! SPHYNXLAIR ROCKS!!!
                         
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                        • Sleepyheadkitten

                          SleepyheadkittenSenior Lairian Senior Lairian

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                          I think this site will always have a difficult time toe'ing the line on these issues. I understand why you want to do it- makes sense- but it's not an easy task :)

                          That being said- I think in cases were people are being passionate, but not abusive or meanies, that the threads should stay open because there is information to be gleaned during passionate discussions.
                           
                        • susi794

                          susi794Moderator Staff Member

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                          I agree 100%. I am all for passionate speech--just not abusive, accusatory speech. I love a good argument--I DO find it exhilarating and thought provoking and a vehicle by which I can learn. I just want everybody to be treated as an equal--no one thinking they are superior to anybody else. You can argue til the cows come home and still be respectful and kind.
                           
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                          • susi794

                            susi794Moderator Staff Member

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                            The alternate definition of the word "lair" is REFUGE. A place to go and rest and be safe from the rest of the world. That's what this place IS for me! This is my refuge from the rest of the world that doesn't understand. I meet the rest of my "pack" here. And if sometimes we get a little snarly within the pack, we just need to close ranks and remember this is a SAFE place--a refuge.
                             
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                            • Marnasobsession

                              MarnasobsessionV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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                              I love the Lair and all that comes with it. I stand in admiration for Admin/ilovemysphynx and all they do! I have met some amazing ppl on here and am better for it. I think if everyone would stop and read their post before hitting submit they could weigh if what they are writing is to better someone or some subject. It it does not meet that criteria, rethink it. Isn't that the way we treat most in our lives we care for. I do not come on as often as I used to just because of getting busy, but I know it is there to bouy me up and help me move forward when I need it. I love all you members and know it sounds trite but can't we all just play nice.
                               
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                              • Gadzukz

                                GadzukzV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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                                I love it here, I love the people I have connected with here. I love having somewhere to discuss things and learn about sphynx. I am sad now thinking that I caused a problem. I hope I did not, by posting the article I found. I simply meant to share the information. You people are my friends and I just wanted to share with my friends and gather your opinions.:Cry: I really hope I was not the cause of some mess or someone's feeling being hurt. I offer my sincere apology if that happened.
                                 
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                                • susi794

                                  susi794Moderator Staff Member

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                                  I don't think it was anybody's intention to create problems or hurt anybody's feelings--that's just not the kind of people we all are here.
                                   
                                • ranalashae

                                  ranalashaeBanned

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                                  Oh I see, I will join you then on that one! I love reading all the conversations on here, even if I don't post anything on them. I have learned so much about Nala through this site, things that the vet I see knows nothing about!! I am sooooo thankful I found a place like this where I can and questions and share stories about Nala. :ThumbsUp:

                                  P.S. Most of my friends/family are not in love with my cat. They call her mean names and talk about how weird I am for wanting he. They just don't see it I guess!! Glad I have this site to make me realize I'm NOT crazy and that these are AWESOME cats!!!!
                                   
                                • ilovemysphynx

                                  ilovemysphynxAdministrator Staff Member

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                                  Very well said and the reason we gave the name we did!!!!

                                  We do not want to nor do we plan on ever becoming like most other forums out there, and that is why we do not allow certain things breeders names being one of them. Chances are that eventually someone will have something bad to say about one of them.
                                  There are places out there that will allow the talking good or bad about breeders but mostly you will hear the bad because people tend to keep quiet when something is good but dwell when it is bad. These types of places allow just about anything and maybe we seem like the police at times but we want to be proud owners of a happy forum. So sorry if some do not think that closing threads, removing things from time to time and having rules is a good thing, because it is not only a good thing it is a sphynxlair thing and will stay that way.
                                   
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                                  • MissMySphynxBoys

                                    MissMySphynxBoysGold Lairian Notable Member

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                                    I know how you feel. Not too long ago I ran into a relative that I hadn't seen in a while. I just about burst into tears when she asked if I still had "those hideous hairless cats".

                                    This is the only place where I know there are others who understand me when I say I miss my sphynx boys. Everyone has been supportive and no one has called me a creep for looking at pictures and video clips of their naked babies.
                                     
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                                    • Gadzukz

                                      GadzukzV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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                                      My ex friend, saw Gummi on FB and said, "that other one(Freya) is so ugly it's cute, but this one is just ugly" :Angry: that statement alone should speak volumes as to why she is an ex! I heart you guys!
                                       
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                                      • ranalashae

                                        ranalashaeBanned

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                                        I get that ALL the time. It really does get on my nerves at times. Someone commented on my FB and was swearing up a storm, FREAKING out about Nala. Saying things like "WHAT IS THAT?!" and "That is terrifying!!"

                                        Really rude.
                                         
                                      • havingalook

                                        havingalookV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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                                        I love this place. Even when I'm having a hard time in real life, I can come here and relax and forget the world for a while.

                                        It does sometimes get a little heated (rarely though) but thats because we are all so passionate about our cats and the breed. I don't think thats a bad thing, as long as tempers are kept under control and points are put across in an adult way.

                                        I think Admin and ilovemysphynx do a good job in monitoring the site. Right now I'd be lost without all you guys.
                                         
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