Should I ask HIM to marry me??!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Sam lewis, Nov 3, 2009.

  1. Sam lewis

    Sam lewisV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    What does everyone think of women asking men to marry them?! I want to ask my boyfriend of 7years Philip, to marry me. He is the love of my life. I thought about asking him at christmas. Even if he says no or that he will think about it at least he would know how I feel. The cats love him too (very important factor!!).
     

  2. Mews2much

    Mews2muchV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    Go ahead and ask him.
    My sisters bf said he would not marry again and they will get married this june.
     
  3. Sam lewis

    Sam lewisV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    That gives me some hope!
     
  4. Mews2much

    Mews2muchV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    All he can do is say no lol.
    At least you know where you will stand.
     
  5. Sam lewis

    Sam lewisV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    Thats true, if he says no ill just say ok, ill wait untill you ask me. hint hint. lol
     
  6. heather

    heatherV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    Yeah! Definitely go for it! There's no reason you should wait for him- no reason girl should ask for permission.

    HA- just had a funny thought - should you ask his mom first for permission?

    Like guys traditionally ask the girl's dad- if he's a momma's boy ask his mom! :LOL::LOL: (I'm over-tired forgive my silliness!)
     
  7. Sam lewis

    Sam lewisV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    Yes he is definately a mummys boy!! I did think that too! Should I ask her do you think?! I wouldn't want her to tell him though. It would be scarey bringing up the subject incase she thinks it's a bad idea!
     
  8. kalliee129

    kalliee129Senior Lairian Senior Lairian

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    I think you should go for it. It's very empowering:BigSmile:
     
  9. Maggies mommy

    Maggies mommyV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    Go for it girl!!!:ThumbsUp:
     
  10. gizmo6370

    gizmo6370Banned

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    You go girl! :Wink:
     
  11. kerrie78

    kerrie78Senior Lairian Senior Lairian

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    Go For It!!!! Maybe he is just really nervous about asking you... you never know... guys are more shy than they lead on to think!:Surprise: Jay was so nervous about asking me even though my Dad said yea & we had already talked about getting married!
     
  12. susi794

    susi794Moderator Staff Member

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    Can you handle it if he says no? I say, go ahead and ask him...and if he says no, make plans accordingly.
     
  13. Brooke

    BrookeBanned

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    I agree! (I was trying to think of an eloquent way to say that, but Susi said it for me!)
     
  14. georgehairlesson

    georgehairlessonSenior Lairian Senior Lairian

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    Have you two EVER spoken about marriage plans before? If not; do not ask him.
     
  15. georgehairlesson

    georgehairlessonSenior Lairian Senior Lairian

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    Do you two live together yet? Also, is he overly attached to him mom? That's a very bad thing if he is. Trust me!
     
  16. sydkat7

    sydkat7V.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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    I have to agree with georgehairlesson...it's better if you do NOT ask him; men tend to associate women asking them about marriage as putting pressure on them to get hitched, even if you do it in a "nice" way like you are planning with your BF.

    I speak from experience: after the first couple of years of dating my now fiance', I would occasionally bring up the subject of marriage, which spooked my guy into withdrawing from me and becoming more distant in our relationship. The more I brought up marriage, the more withdrawn he became...which eventually led to us breaking up and staying apart for 6 months before we realized that we missed each other and wanted to be back together.

    When we got back together, I decided that I would NEVER bring up us getting married again. Well, we've been together for eight years now and just last December he proposed to ME! Instead of me asking him about being married, I just concentrated on being my loveable self :Kiss:, which eventually made him realize that he couldn't live his life without me. :Adore:

    You see, it's BEST if you let the guy think that it's HIS idea for you two to get married than the other way around. It makes them feel more in control and less "emasculated", if you know what I mean. However, I'm just telling you what worked for me...you and your BF are probably quite different from us, so you have to do what's right for you. I just wanted to add my "two-cents", so to speak, to give you another perspective. :Laugh:
     
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    • harley

      harleySenior Lairian Senior Lairian

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      I say go for it, then again I have never been a patient person...I would have done it alot sooner..Heck what am I saying..My husband propsed on our first date...Take into account we had known each other since the 8th grade though..I figure its about time to know where you stand and where he thinks this is going. I say go for it and good luck..
       
    • Maximus

      MaximusSenior Lairian Senior Lairian

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      I just think after seven years of your time you have every right to at least know where you stand, I mean either way your not going to leave him if he says no, so what's the big deal! 7 years is basically a common-law marriage anyway!
       
      Last edited by a moderator: Nov 17, 2013
    • Sam lewis

      Sam lewisV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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      We have been through a lot together and we have spoken a lot about the future. We have split up a couple of times but have always come through things and been stronger. He asked me to marry him a couple of years back but the timing wasn't right so now i feel it's my turn to tell him how i feel. But we'll see. I have a lot to think about, I appreciate everyones input.
       
    • sydkat7

      sydkat7V.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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      Good luck, Sam! Hope everything works out. :ThumbsUp:
       
    • Oliando

      OliandoLairian

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      Just as no cat of any breed is the same, no men are the same. These things are NOT universally true, there is no all encompassing "guy thing" and men do NOT have a hive mind. When people say "ugh men" is usually something no man I know would do! But I'm lucky. :Wink:

      If asking your partner to marry you will make him feel emasculated, he can't be that secure in his masculinity really can he. And what does that say that he expects of you as a partner? To not broach issues of importance to you? Ugh - RUN AWAY FROM MEN LIKE THAT! :LOL: :LOL:

      I don't see how it's a question (women asking men to marry them) of gender appropriate behaviour. Aren't you two adults in a relationship? The type of genitals you have is not a factor. You want to ask your partner how he feels about a more formal recognition of commitment, thats ok.

      I think you can ask him his thoughts on marriage without ASKING him to marry you. This is someone you are presumably intimate with (emotionally and physically), so you already trust them to respect you in these ways and you have communicated your needs and expectations that far. Asking how their values extend to other areas of their life, and specifically in regards to relationships is entirely reasonable!

      I'm not married, we have 3 children. I don't want to get married but we've talked about it. I might change my mind, and if I do I'll ask him to marry me. He might say no, but if he did because we've discussed it beforehand I know it's not that he isn't committed to our relationship, it's just that he doesn't put stock in the ceremony.

      If you asked him and he says no, it would be good to know his reasons.
      If you ask him and he says yes - also good to know his reasons and expectations.

      Talk to him :)
       
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      • Maximus

        MaximusSenior Lairian Senior Lairian

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        Very well said Oliando
         
      • Sam lewis

        Sam lewisV.I.P Lairian V.I.P Lairian

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        Thaks for all the feed back everyone, I think if we decided to get engaged there wouldn't be a rush to get married for quite a while, it's a way of showing that we are commited to each other after everything we've been through. But I will talk to him and I won't rush into anything. Sam