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turning 21 sucks

SylvrTitoijava

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:Cry:It's the big important birthday right up there with the 16th one. I'm turning 21 next week. I should be happy but I'm mesirable. My fiance and I can't make the bills this month, the ongoing battle between my parents and I has been brought to the surface since I told them I'm getting married, and my medical exam this morning has the doctor worried about the possablity of cancer that PRE-DATES all my current medical treatments. Meaning plainly that I might have had something growing quietly and unnoticed for years.
Blood work and a physcal that left me feeling ill. No money for bills or food. Noone I can panic to at home until I know for sure because they'd all worry up a storm.
I just want to grab Magi and retreat into a dark hole where no one can find me.
At least I can speak my mind here on Sphynx Lair where, even if no one listens to my posts, I can say what's on my mind without worry over the repurcussions in my own family. :Cry:
Thanks Sphynx Lair.
 

kiennasmom

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Oh no! Sorry to hear things are not going well right now:Sweat: I really hope that your doctor comes through with good news and that you guys are able to find a way to make the bills. As for the family, hopefully they'll come around. I remember how rough it was being that young. I look back & wonder how I made it! I'm sure I speak for most of us when we say we'll be thinking of you & hoping for the best! Please take care and try not to worry--things have a way of working themselves out, even if it's not necessarily the way we hoped or planned.
 

SylvrTitoijava

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Oh no! Sorry to hear things are not going well right now:Sweat: I really hope that your doctor comes through with good news and that you guys are able to find a way to make the bills. As for the family, hopefully they'll come around. I remember how rough it was being that young. I look back & wonder how I made it! I'm sure I speak for most of us when we say we'll be thinking of you & hoping for the best! Please take care and try not to worry--things have a way of working themselves out, even if it's not necessarily the way we hoped or planned.
Thanks.
In all fairness the "battle" with my parents isn't their fault, some bad things went down, timing sucked and everyone made mistakes. It just caused a rift between us I don't know how to fix, and I don't think they do either. Just had to clairify that they weren't evil or anything.
I'm sure that things work out with my medical stuff, but it makes you panic to hear the "maybe."
 
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That really sucks I'm sorry. I hope you get good news, just get some nice kitty cuddles, it might make you feel a bit better.
 

susi794

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I think your medical worries are the perfect way to mend fences with your parents. Just go to them and tell them you want the troubles to stop between the two of you--share that you're scared and that you know you still need them and that you understand that maybe it was difficult for them to realize you're grown up now and have to make your own way in the world..but that family means so much and you want yours. Sometimes the hardships we have might be part of some big master plan to bring us back into contact with those we love and have become estranged with. Give your family a chance to worry with you--it's what families do.
I will remember you in my prayers that there is no cancer and that you reconcile with your parents. A wedding without family is a sad one....
Just my two cents--that and a dollar or so will buy you a cup of coffee.
 

klreese

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:( sorry hun. don't worry, my 21st birthday sucked... actually almost all my birthdays in my "adult" life haven't been great. my mom and i have a very close relationship, but for the last 5 years she has forgotten my birthday!!! how do you forget the day you gave birth to your child?? lol crazy i tell 'ya! so you're not alone on the sucky birthday :)
i can't speak on behalf of your family/fiancee, but i'm sure they'd like to know what's going on with you medically. However, its your body and your decision. i hope the end result is no cancer!
my fiancee has always said to me... bills and money go hand and hand (obviously). worry about them but don't freak out. it'll all work out the way it's suppose to. (easier said then done, i understand)
and hey.. look... people care! and we'll respond! and keep us updated! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ............even if it isn't so happy :(
 

marlene

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I know you don't know me, Silvyr, but a few years ago on my 48th birthday I had a heart attack and refused to allow my family to be notified because I was worried about how it would affect them, since my parents are getting older (plus we had other family medical crises happening at the time). I did tell my best friend, who broke her promise to me and called my parents the following day. But by the time my parents got to the hospital my condition had deteriorated and I was on life support. I remember laying there thinking that I was going to die and wasn't going to be able to tell my parents that I loved them or that I was sorry I couldn't talk to them. And I remember my mom, hugging me and crying but absolutely furious, cussing at me because I hadn't let her know right away. Everything about that time is kind of a drug-induced haze, but some things are crystal clear - and the one thing I'll never forget is the sound of betrayal in my mother's voice, that I had told a friend instead of her. That I had made her choice for her, that I hadn't given her the chance to worry about me. The way she saw it, she deserved to know. And I don't think she'll ever forgive me for it. But that's something I have to live with, not her.

If you can't tell your parents about what's happening in your life right now...when will you ever be able to tell them anything that matters? This isn't a theoretical question at all; because if you can't talk to them now about something of this magnitude, you'll never be able to talk to them again about anything, not really. And that rift you spoke of will continue to grow, and someday your parents will pass away and you'll live the rest of your life wishing that somehow, someway, you'd done things differently with them. This is your chance to keep that from happening.

I do hope that this medical scare turns out to be just a scare. But there's one thing I know is true: People can face anything if they know what they're facing. Give your parents their chance to be parents. If they choose to walk away at least you'll be able to live with yourself.
 

Fester

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My sympathies -- medical worries are the worst! I'd rather have an obvious painful wound than vague unknown dread hanging over me.

As to 21st b-day... I spent mine in the hospital having my hand being rebuilt... and it seems that once you hit 21, binge drinking loses its appeal.
 

AmazonGoddess

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I'm so sorry to hear everything you're going through. Yes, becoming an "official" adult sucks the big one. I'm a long way from 21 but do remember those years and am very glad to have survived them.

As for your health and your decision to keep everything to yourself ... I know you want to be strong and save the others from fear and worry, but trust me on this - let someone else be strong for and with you. You can NOT carry all the worry yourself and heal. The extra stress will only hinder your progress. Let someone share the burden.

Finances are another huge burden. Check with a local church. There was a time in my life when I ran out of money and had no rent, no food ... a neighbour told me to call a local church (even though I am not a religious person) and lo and behold, they gave me one month's rent and money for my power bill. The food bank gave me a one-time batch of groceries that saw me through. I know it's not what you want to do, but it's better than worrying about eviction and going hungry. A couple of phone calls may cut you a break that you need.

Take care of yourself and let other takes care of you too. Including that beautiful little kitty of yours. Stay strong my friend.
 

Bella07

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I'm so sorry about all your troubles. Though difficult, just try to relax and embrace your current situation; By trying to think of all the wonderful things going on in your life, instead of the awful ones. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, good luck.
 

ilovemysphynx

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You have gotten some great advice. You have to do what is good for you, but I would call your family. Me and my dad have not spoke since we got back from vacation and it is eating me up inside:Cry:
 

Marnasobsession

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I have no more advice because the important things have been said already. We have all had sucky adult birthdays (my grandpas funeral with hubby in motel room with food poisoning, my ride in the ambulance last year ...etc) Listen to some of the very good advice already given and you will find comfort.
 

maxtmill

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Hi there! I am sorry to hear about your troubles. It was kind of sad for me in a way to see my 6 kids grow up & discover that life really is hard, not the "freedom" they envisioned. Welcome to real life, I would tell them when they called. My husband & i have been through many difficult challenges through the years, & some seemed impossible to work out. But somehow they do. I always try to ask myself "What can I learn from this?" Our families are not close at all, so we relied on our fellow church members to pray for us & tell us not to be afraid to ask for help.Then, after your own storm clears, pay it forward by helping someone else. If there is anything (I mean anything) I can do for you, please pm me. I live in Alabama now, & work as a hospice nurse at the VA Hospital - my patients' situations make my problems shrink in comparison to theirs. It is a humbling experience. Please keep us up to date.
 

wright878

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I can't say it any better than what has already been said, but as a mom I know I would want to know if one of my children had a problem with their health. It really might be a way to clear the air with your family. As far as finances, I would be willing to bet there isn't a person on this site who has not had problems. My hubby and I often reminisce about our "flat-broke" times being the times we had the most fun. Let your loved ones be there for you.
 

MissMySphynxBoys

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It sounds as if things have been rough for you lately. I hope things are getting better. I wish you had a happier 21st birthday.
 

sydkat7

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So sorry to hear about your tough times right now, Sylvr. I went through a rough time when I was 21, too..actually, I think my entire 20's sucked! Things didn't start getting better for me until I was in my 30's. Hang in there and know that life WILL get better for you; you're just going through a rough patch right now.

BTY, I sure hope you don't have cancer...please keep us all posted on your progress...
 

Sam lewis

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Really sorry you're havin such a tough time, I hope things get a little easier for you.
 

SylvrTitoijava

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UPDATE!
I need to go in for some more blood tests.
Good news: It's looking less like cancer.
Bad news: They don't know what it looks like.
My birthday's looking up, (it's today).
We were able to make rent do to my awesome boss forwarding me some cash and my fiance's mother loaning us some.
My fiance got a new job and I have a few interviews for a second one. *crossing fingers* Wish us luck.
My parents are talking to me less than before, and I do believe I have been blocked on facebook but I'm not sure, that's what it means when you can't search somebody you could search before, right? But that is their choice and their right.
It has really lifted my spirits, all the support you guys have given me. Thanks. :Adore:

P.S. If I haven't thanked your post, I'm getting to it. My computer is slow.
 

MissMySphynxBoys

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HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!!

I'm so happy things are looking up for you. Life is full of plenty of crap, but what gets us through is keeping our eyes and hearts on the positive. You are in our thoughts. Thanks for keeping us posted.
 

AmazonGoddess

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Sylvr, I'm glad to see your spirits are up. :) The rough patches are hard but it's getting through them that help make us stronger, better people. Your boss sounds like a decent person. We can all use a few more of those in our lives!

Please keep us up to date on what your doctor says. In the meantime, I'll be sending as many positive thoughts as I can that it's nothing serious, or at least something that is easily treatable.

As for your family, well, like you said, it's their choice. However, I would send them a note to let them know about your health. Nothing dramatic, just "thought it might be cancer, now it's looking like it's not. I'll let you know what the final diagnosis is." Let them know but let them make any further contact. *sigh* Family ... can't choose 'em, can't bury them in a dark hole.

As for the job interviews, best of luck to you and your lady. Fingers crossed. Interviews suck, but a decent paying job rawks! Let us know how it goes!

A.G.

P.S. Happy friggin' Birthday!!!! :D
 

kiennasmom

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Happy birthday, Adam. I'm so relieved it's not cancer and that the money/job front is looking up. Sometimes family issues take a verrrry long time to work themselves out. Hang in there and keep us posted.
 

marlene

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Happy Birthday and thanks for the update. I'm glad things are starting to look up for you a little bit. They can only get better from here!
 
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