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Worst Mom Ever!

JacksMom

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So, I feel like the worst parent ever! I know I am probably going to get blasted on here,but I got Jack de-clawed last Tuesday. The breeder said she didn't like declawing (although she had done it in her past), and said I could declaw him myself and get him neutered at the same time (and when he was neutered and I showed proof she would give me his registered papers). She mentioned behavioral changes and I had three other cats (non sphynx) in my early 20's declawed, and they were fine and I never saw any behavioral or other side effects (not that I was looking for them back then, either) So, when I picked Jack up the vet sent me home with 15 days of pain meds, which I don't remember ever being sent home with any pain meds for my other cats many years ago,so the other night I looked up online declawing and recovery to see how long it takes to “recover†and cried and cried my out. I read all kinds of stuff EVERYWHERE on the net about cutting off their joints, not just removing the nails. I felt sick,I did this to him. Anyway, I just needed to vent; I didn't realize declawing was such a big deal for him. Honestly, what I read about years and years of phantom pain, loss of balance, etc,well, I don't know about that because I never experienced any balance issues, personality issues or anything with my past 3 cats, but I also had no idea of the severity of the declaw procedure. My vet said nothing to me.

On the up note, Jack is doing fine, the pain meds kept him sleepy for days and now the dosage is so low that he's not feeling the effects of the “meds†as much and seems more like himself. He's eating, playing, loving, cuddling, but I feel so so so bad for him. I just needed to vent! I so hope he's not feeling pain,I am more concerned with the here and now,the pain,more than anything else. Sorry to all those I have offended, and even more so, to my little boy,.just had to get my guilt off my chest :-( In all my 36 years....what I never knew....
 
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gizmo6370

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Wow....i'm not gonna say what i'm really thinking right now :Angry::Furious:
I'm sorry...but you should have done the reading before the operation...not after...
I'm gonna stop right here....because i don't want to be kicked off....
Poor Jack....
 

Bella07

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I am sorry....I guess this teaches us all a lesson to always research for yourself before any long term changes are made. And, of course, you are not the worst mom ever. Just relax and keep Jack as comfortable as possible.
 

Mews2much

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That is why I did not answer your pm.
I was very:Angry: off when you said you had him declawed.
If i had answered your pm I may have said something not nice.
Many vets will not tell you how bad it is because they want the money.
Some cats will stop using the pan and start biting.
I do not want to get banned either for the way I feel.
To me it is barbaric.
You should have done your research first or asked others.


 

AmazonGoddess

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You are NOT the worst mom ever. Just look up cat neglect and cat abuse and you'll find the true meaning of bad cat parenting.

You made an uninformed choice that, unfortunately, can't be reversed. I know there will be people who will try to tear a strip off you for this, but from the sound of it, you're doing a good job of flogging yourself for this.

Take a deep breath. What's done is done. The important thing is to make sure Jack heals well and to commit to making sure he's happy and healthy for the rest of his life. He'll forgive you. That's the thing about these amazing little creatures ... their ability to forgive and to love.

Become an advocate for NOT declawing cats ... inform people so they don't make the same choice you did.

And *hug* ... because you're not a bad person.
 

havingalook

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Become an advocate for NOT declawing cats ... inform people so they don't make the same choice you did.

This^

I hate declawing, one of my girls came to me declawed. She can't jump because she can't grip and so she falls. She has become a master at kicking with her back feet, which still have claws. She is shy, withdrawn and has litter tray issues. I can't blame her, I wouldn't like to scrape raw stubby fingers through what must feel like glass.:Cry:

What's done is done, but please learn from this and research things BEFORE you do it to him.:Cry:

Your priority now is to make sure he is comfortable. Give him the full course of painkillers. Research different cat litters, so that it won't feel like he's scratching glass. Make everything reachable, he won't be able to jump as high as he used too because he can't grip. Be prepared for possible mood changes etc.

Give him lots of love and research, research, research aftercare. I hope he recovers quickly.
 

ilovemysphynx

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Hi jacksmom first I am going to comend you for your honesty because I am sure after relizing it is not so nice you still told everyone, and thats why we are here to help. What is done is done and honestly to each his own. I myself have in my contract that declawing is not allowed. I kind of have 2 sides in your case, first you went to a breeder and purchased a sphynx so that is where your education should have started if it was one of Admin and my kittens I would have told you all about the declawing process and hopefuly that would have changed your mind. Second it is your cat and if the breeder did not tell you that declawing would void your contract and you planned on doing so then then is your right, it is your kitty and can do what you please just as it was your child. No everyone will not always agree with someones elses parenting in animals or humans but they don't have to agree.
You are saying you are not happy with your desision and I feel for you there and hope the pain meds help him with his recovery. Take this as a lesson learned at least next time you have found a place to ask questions first take the addvice you get and make your decision from there. :BigSmile:
 

klreese

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Don't beat yourself up over your decision. You felt you were doing the right thing at the time. Just keep him comfortable with the pain medicine. Now you know for future reference to research things. I agree it was an uninformed decision, but you're punishing yourself enough over your feelings. You're not a bad momma. You love your baby.

I personally have never had to make the decision to declaw. We considered it for Bronxe because he always jumps on my fiancee at night and scratches the crap out of his face :( ouch.... but because of his health issues never went through with the procesure- Thankfully. However, my two girls are declawed, by their old owner. I do notice balance issues with them and they are both much more timmid. However, i never knew that was associate with the declawing.... makes sense though.
 

Hairlesslove

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You are not a bad mom at all....Like ilovemysphynx said We are here to help! You made a bad decision since you were uninformed but what is done is done just keep your baby comfortable and give him lots of love.
 

Gullivers Keeper

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I may have mad a decision like that if I wasn't brought up with a cat with all its claws and my parent's teaching me that you can train a cat not to scratch with a loud noise and a water gun (sometimes) I didn't know anything about HCM except that it existed until Gulliver was diagnosed last week. As angry as it makes me that you would do that, and that your breeder did not state in the contract that you can not declaw (it was in my contract) At least you know better now, and you can make sure to tell anyone that listens how horrible a thing it really is to do to a cat or kitten.
 

JacksMom

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That is why I did not answer your pm.
I was very:Angry: off when you said you had him declawed.
If i had answered your pm I may have said something not nice.
Many vets will not tell you how bad it is because they want the money.
Some cats will stop using the pan and start biting.
I do not want to get banned either for the way I feel.
To me it is barbaric.
You should have done your research first or asked others.



I am sorry, I thought you were answering me...I guess I missed something
 

JacksMom

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I am sorry I was not clear on the research part. Being that vets do this procedure didn't cause me to research it for any reason (as with most people, I assume) as to finding out if the procedure is okay to do...EVEN AFTERWARDS. I can think of many that I know that have had their cats declawed and probably have no idea what it actually entails or the controversy surrounding it). I was not researching about the procedure at all. What sparked my google was that Jack was sent home with 15 days of pain meds for what I thought was a simple procedure....it was ONLY for those reasons I looked up recovery time to see if it really takes that long of pain meds. It was then, that stumbled upon all kinds of information and new found knowledge regarding the procedure. It was not researching after the fact for pure research sake. (and my breeder was "okay" with declaw, as far as it was not in contract or anything that I couldn't because when I told her I was going to declaw him even before I drove to meet him to see if she could do it with the neuter and I'd pay for it, she said she didn't like declawing, but that if I wanted to get him neutered and declawed with my vet, she'd reduce the neuter price, and he'd only go through anesthesia once, which was what I wanted. She kept his papers until I got him neutered. She said she had declawed cats in the past and understood. That was it. There was no mention of contract not to declaw...

I am fine with anyone/everyone freely stating their opinions, it's an open forum, and you don't have to refrain at all :), unless the rules on here prohibit such things. I want to also explain that vented for my sake; self-expression; healing; etc...not because I wanted responses, other's thoughts on the matter, criticisms. But please respond away, because freedom of speech is a wonderful thing (and it has also given me some insight into my “truly†learn about people on here, as well! As I really don't know anybody on this site, just yet!)

No offenses here, at all.

I want to express a little about me though,.I will, say, that until I find myself a perfect person--free of mistakes--in this life, you will never find me throwing the first or last stone on this forum, or anywhere for that matter. I chose to be compassionate and respectful when I see someone hurting by a mistake they made. That is not always easy, but it's a choice I choose to make. But that's the wonderful thing about humans, we can be, and are, all different, and I can (and will) be tolerant of others that do not hold to the same practices in life as I hold myself to.

I am here to be a part, read, learn, ask questions, read cute antics of others babies, etc,and, if in the process, I am deeply upset with someone for something I believe they have done wrong, ESPECIALLY when they already realized their mistake, you will have my utmost respect and compassion. Those are my personal rules in the wonderful game of life, not just on this forum. We all get to create our own rules and our true character is almost always defined by those rules that we create for ourselves. So, for everyone's information, those are the rules I will play by,.just sayin.'

P.S. Another beauty of human nature is we all have complete control of what we let in and what we let roll of our backs like water on a duck's back. It took me years of practice to learn this, but it's a wonderful gift. I freely open all talk, but I only will accept into my heart, my emotions, my thoughts only those things that inspire optimism, and positive and productive growth in this game called life. I am seeing that on this forum, I will have to dust off those traits I learned years back and employ them again, here,.ha!

A warm thanks to all who read and had compassion. I read all comments :) Worst Mom Ever was how I felt a couple nights ago,deep in sadness, guilt, and despair for my son...all that said, I know my heart, my love, my desire for Jack to thrive, be loved, enjoyed, and give him the best most adventurous life possible (for a cat!), and that I am a good mom, regardless of what some others may think on here. I am at peace,overall,.but will be better when some more time passes and I know he's recovered from any pain he might be experiencing.

Warm regards,
JacksMom!!
 
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Mews2much

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Its ok nothing you can do now.
I did answer all your pms until your last one.
I am sure you learned how bad declawing is now and you will know next time you get a cat.



 

Candys

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I have a Bengal that was totally de-clawed before he came into my life. He seems well adjusted but does have a hard time jumping up on things because he can't grip. He does knock things over because he is more clumsy. Anyway you have beat yourself up enough on this issue and now you are informed. I wish you would have had a consult with the Lair friends.
 

havingalook

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He seems well adjusted but does have a hard time jumping up on things because he can't grip. He does knock things over because he is more clumsy.

Definitely. I hear a crash and I know automatically that it's the girl who's been declawed (or one of my kids :LOL:) She tries to jump on beds, cupboards and needs a little help.:Sweat:

It might be worth getting steps, or a sturdy box or something to help him get around while he's healing. It will save the added stress to his toes when he's trying to jump on the couch etc.
 

JacksMom

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I may have mad a decision like that if I wasn't brought up with a cat with all its claws and my parent's teaching me that you can train a cat not to scratch with a loud noise and a water gun (sometimes) I didn't know anything about HCM except that it existed until Gulliver was diagnosed last week. As angry as it makes me that you would do that, and that your breeder did not state in the contract that you can not declaw (it was in my contract) At least you know better now, and you can make sure to tell anyone that listens how horrible a thing it really is to do to a cat or kitten.

I am soooo sooo sorry about your boy...I didn't know anything about HCM till reading your post (to be honest, I cried after I read it and then read to find out what HCM was). Although I still don't know much about how they treat it, it scared me that there was something out there that these precious babies are kinda "prone" to getting. I am glad to have learned so I can get mine tested...I think people said you can do it as early as 1 year for the first time? I contacted my breeder and she said Jack's mother hasn't been tested yet (Jack's litter was the mother's first), but her parents had and were negative and Jack's father and his parents were all negative...so I am keeping my fingers crossed. Good you are getting him on meds....prayers and hugs to you.
 

Fester

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I think....

'I didn't know' isn't an excuse...

BUT: 'I know better now, And I will take care and help educate others" is the correct way to mitigate.


@JacksMom, you and I are both sad that Jack was declawed.
I'm happy you were brave enough to tells us what happened.
I'm confident the going forward Jack will have the best mom for the rest of his life.
Please don't let regrets or feeling you did wrong chase you away from possibly the best info-source you may have for jack in the future.
 

JacksMom

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I think....

'I didn't know' isn't an excuse...

BUT: 'I know better now, And I will take care and help educate others" is the correct way to mitigate.


@Jacksmom, you and I are both sad that Jack was declawed.
I'm happy you were brave enough to tells us what happened.
I'm confident the going forward Jack will have the best mom for the rest of his life.
Please don't let regrets or feeling you did wrong chase you away from possibly the best info-source you may have for jack in the future.

Thanks. I am not trying to mitigate anything...I am not looking for peace or lessened fury toward me on this thread just stating the facts. For me all is great and I encourage people to freely say as they wish...I am a proud American--free speech and all! Woot woot! But definitely not trying to mitigate anything either, as I am comfortable in my own skin and can take any blows thrown my way...heehee! Hope it didn't come accross as I am making excuses either because definitely not that either...simply stating (or better explaining the facts), that's all. No worries. I am not scared off. This is just an awesome place to read, watch, learn, etc...although I love drama movies, I hate real life drama, so I'll try better to stay away from it on here! Ha! Thanks to ALL for your comments. Greatly appreciated and all is well :)
 

ckutkuhn7

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I'm against declawing. Only because about 2 years ago I had a kitty determined to claw and tear up everything I owned. I at first was going to declaw him, I did research and realized how awful it was and refrained and used a pet behavorialist first. She fixed him right up. We just had to make some slight furniture changes and he was very respectful of what he could claw after that.
I'm sorry you didn't find your research until afterwards. Your not a bad cat parent, just research everything before making major decisions.
I'm glad however that Jack is doing so well. I know of a person who had their Sphynx declawed and the vet did an awful job, the bleeding wouldn't stop and the kitty passed within days..it was awful.
I'm glad Jack is well tho and you picked up another lesson in life with all of this,,,I agree with others, become an advocate to be against declawing.
 

LLevenson

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All of us have made some decision or taken some action, whether in our own lives or for our animals, where we either weren't informed completely, trusted someone else's knowledge, or just didn't know where to look...and then come to realize that wish we had chosen/done differently. None of us are immune to that. I can't imagine how hard it must have been when you went to look up about pain meds and found what you did about the horrors of declawing! I would have been a hot mess! I am impressed by your courage to share with us honestly! Thank you

I appreciate that you are open to hearing the good and the bad, and I just hope that you will continue to be a contributing part of SL b/c it truly is a great place for information about our beloved Sphynx! plus we are all suckers for cute pics/stories of fellow Sphynxies!

Please make sure to get Jack checked for HCM (I'm not sure when you can start that but someone here will know). Arias went in for something unrelated to his heart and they found that he has mild HCM. So mild in fact, that the vet and the cardiologist weren't even concerned (wish I could say the same for me!). Both is parents were HCM negative, so I don't think you can put all your faith in just that. Now we just have him on some heart-supporting supplements, and he gets checked often. At first I thought it was something I did b/c I make his own food, but the vet reassured me that his type was not b/c of taurine-deficiency (talk about spending a few hours beating myself up for that!) I don't tell you this to scare you, just to let you know that this is one of those things that the earlier you catch it the better!

And, even though you have already made your "grand" entrance :LOL: welcome to SL!
 

Gullivers Keeper

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I am soooo sooo sorry about your boy...I didn't know anything about HCM till reading your post (to be honest, I cried after I read it and then read to find out what HCM was). Although I still don't know much about how they treat it, it scared me that there was something out there that these precious babies are kinda "prone" to getting. I am glad to have learned so I can get mine tested...I think people said you can do it as early as 1 year for the first time? I contacted my breeder and she said Jack's mother hasn't been tested yet (Jack's litter was the mother's first), but her parents had and were negative and Jack's father and his parents were all negative...so I am keeping my fingers crossed. Good you are getting him on meds....prayers and hugs to you.

I got Gulliver tested at 15 months after the Doctor hear a murmur at his appt to get his rabies vaccination. I called the cardiologist as soon as I got home and set up an appointment for the next week (Sept 16 2010) and the HOCM was confirmed that day, as you can imagine the worry and hurt was almost unbearable as there is no cure for HCM. He is still happy and healthy, just a bit tired from the beta blocker which he's only been on for 4 days now, so he should get used to it. I hope to keep him healthy for a while since we caught it before any symptoms, and I think my husband is may be in agreement now that we should take the kitten our breeder offered us as a buddy to Gulliver, he could use a playmate while he's still happy and healthy, and our 2 furry cats are bums! I will keep my fingers crossed that the worst has already passed for Jack and only great times are to come :BigSmile:
 

JacksMom

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All of us have made some decision or taken some action, whether in our own lives or for our animals, where we either weren't informed completely, trusted someone else's knowledge, or just didn't know where to look...and then come to realize that wish we had chosen/done differently. None of us are immune to that. I can't imagine how hard it must have been when you went to look up about pain meds and found what you did about the horrors of declawing! I would have been a hot mess! I am impressed by your courage to share with us honestly! Thank you

I appreciate that you are open to hearing the good and the bad, and I just hope that you will continue to be a contributing part of SL b/c it truly is a great place for information about our beloved Sphynx! plus we are all suckers for cute pics/stories of fellow Sphynxies!

Please make sure to get Jack checked for HCM (I'm not sure when you can start that but someone here will know). Arias went in for something unrelated to his heart and they found that he has mild HCM. So mild in fact, that the vet and the cardiologist weren't even concerned (wish I could say the same for me!). Both is parents were HCM negative, so I don't think you can put all your faith in just that. Now we just have him on some heart-supporting supplements, and he gets checked often. At first I thought it was something I did b/c I make his own food, but the vet reassured me that his type was not b/c of taurine-deficiency (talk about spending a few hours beating myself up for that!) I don't tell you this to scare you, just to let you know that this is one of those things that the earlier you catch it the better!

And, even though you have already made your "grand" entrance :LOL: welcome to SL!

Ha! I guess I did make somewhat of an "entrance" here! Yes, it's hard not to beat yourself up when your babies health is compromised (even, in your case, when there was nothing you could have done). Yes, I am so glad to have found this site to learn, share stories, a place where people won't stare at me in disbelief when I talk incesently about my feline child! I left Jack for 4 days two weeks after I got him on a trip planned 3 months ago with my grandma and cousins, and although he stayed with my best friend and her 2 feline babies (who jack has play dates with 2-3 times a week and he LOVES being at her house!), I was crazy missing him and talking about him and calling and her putting me on speaker phone so he could hear my voice...I think my cousins were a little annoyed with me by the 4th day! Jack, on the other hand, was totally fine.

So happy to be here and thanks for the welcome and kind words :)
 

sydkat7

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Everyone here has given their opinion about declawing and to be honest, I am against it, too. None of my cats that I've gotten as kittens have ever been declawed, nor will I ever declaw a cat in the future. My sister declaws her cats all the time AND lets them go outdoors here in Colorado; well, one day her cat Louie never returned....he got abducted by a wild animal and had no way to defend himself.

With that being said, now I've adopted an adult cat, Amo, who came to me already declawed. I'm not happy about his previous owner's decision to do this, but there is nothing I can do about it now except try to care for him the best I can the way he is. If this gives you any comfort, the declawing hasn't seemed to affect his personality any and he seems as agile and sprightly as my other two cats. And I don't let him outdoors anyway, so no worries there. What worries me is that he can't defend himself against my other cats when they get into a skirmish, so he's always the "undercat". He'll always be the "low cat on the totem pole" within my small family of cats. Other than that, he's still the same loveable, sweet kitty guy he's always been and I'm sure your kitty will be fine, too, despite the declawing.
 

Marnasobsession

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I did have a rescue once that was declawed that had no problems I could detect. I think you were brave for putting it out there knowing there was going to be negative responses. It is obvious you love Jack and only want what is best for him. Hindsight has always been the best sight and we can only move forward. If we asked everyone on this forum if they had made a decision in their life they regretted to step back three steps, I doubt there would be any of us still standing in our original spots. I am so glad you love Jack enough to be willing to take the flak for a decision gone wrong.
 
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