demyan
Lairian
- Joined
- May 24, 2015
- Messages
- 26
- Points
- 24
Sorry in advance for the novel.
I struggle with this so much. My boy had saddle thrombus-like symptoms two and a half years ago when he was 5. He was in the ICU for a week fighting for his life and diagnosed with ventricular tachycardia along with mild HCM (hcm not the cause of the event). They got him stabilized to come home to me on meds for his arrhythmia and he had been totally fine back to normal although his checkups over the next 9 months showed pretty fast progression from HCM stage B1 to B2. Then in October last year I noticed he was gasping for air and breathing really hard. I rushed him to the ICU again where he was diagnosed with the final stage of HCM and congestive heart failure. He stayed there for a few days on oxygen, came home. Had to go back for longer on oxygen and to get meds tweaked and deal with an infection in his leg from the IV. It was such a scary stressful time but he came home to me for 7 months and although his appetite is not as big as it once was. He’s been my same normally cuddly happy cat. Nothing in his personality or will to live has ever changed. Even having to take diuretics and other heart medication 8 times a day, he’s still as happy as he can be. About 3 months ago he lost the ability to swallow hard food which began the weight loss. He went from being a 17 pound chunker down to 11-12 pounds. Largely because I can’t get enough calories into him. He gets sick of puréed wet food and wants dry food but his esophagus doesn’t empty it. It gets stuck and he gags and chokes on a thick mucus while It comes back up. Vet didn’t have any answers for this other than muscle weakness due to the heart failing. But still through all this he has been still ok. He had a check up a month ago and the cardiologist said he was stable, no signs of fluid returning or coming back soon, and was safe to see him again in 6 months.
Then last night I noticed his breath rates were up. I rushed him back to the ICU out of caution and I was correct, the fluid was back. Upon this arrival was the first time one of the ER doctors asked me if I wanted to put him down. Not because he was critical (we caught it early) but I think because of the reoccurrence and she mentioned the financial burden. Which yes it has been a financial burden. I am not working due to disability and the last visit was around 14k dollars that had to go onto my credit card. I don’t know how much it will be this time to get him stable again but that’s what prompted her to ask me that. I asked her in turn, financials aside is he suffering, is he worth treating. She told me it’s about the cats desire to live, that’s the most important part. And she said his desire to live is very much there. He is happy. Always purring. Loves everyone. Loves rubbing his head on people at the ICU. He’s so friendly. How can I think of putting him to sleep? I don’t ever in a million years want to do this. I was hoping he would pass away peacefully in his sleep from the arrhythmia one day so that I didn’t have to. But between multiple credit cards and loans I am starting to run out of room. It’s scary. I don’t want to lose him but I can’t consciously feel ok putting him to sleep when he’s so happy and wants to be with me. Even a few hours prior to taking him to the ICU yesterday, I came home and he ran to the door for me like he does every day. He runs meowing and then rolls over for his butt pats. I told myself the day he stops doing this I will know. But he never did.
I just don’t know how to handle the ICU costing 2-3k dollars a day and the guilt I would feel if I had to put him to sleep because of money, or even when to stop trying to save him. I love him so much he’s my best friend and I feel the worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I don’t know what others experiences are with this horrible heart disease or if anyone can tell me what they went through and when they decided to let go. Thanks
I struggle with this so much. My boy had saddle thrombus-like symptoms two and a half years ago when he was 5. He was in the ICU for a week fighting for his life and diagnosed with ventricular tachycardia along with mild HCM (hcm not the cause of the event). They got him stabilized to come home to me on meds for his arrhythmia and he had been totally fine back to normal although his checkups over the next 9 months showed pretty fast progression from HCM stage B1 to B2. Then in October last year I noticed he was gasping for air and breathing really hard. I rushed him to the ICU again where he was diagnosed with the final stage of HCM and congestive heart failure. He stayed there for a few days on oxygen, came home. Had to go back for longer on oxygen and to get meds tweaked and deal with an infection in his leg from the IV. It was such a scary stressful time but he came home to me for 7 months and although his appetite is not as big as it once was. He’s been my same normally cuddly happy cat. Nothing in his personality or will to live has ever changed. Even having to take diuretics and other heart medication 8 times a day, he’s still as happy as he can be. About 3 months ago he lost the ability to swallow hard food which began the weight loss. He went from being a 17 pound chunker down to 11-12 pounds. Largely because I can’t get enough calories into him. He gets sick of puréed wet food and wants dry food but his esophagus doesn’t empty it. It gets stuck and he gags and chokes on a thick mucus while It comes back up. Vet didn’t have any answers for this other than muscle weakness due to the heart failing. But still through all this he has been still ok. He had a check up a month ago and the cardiologist said he was stable, no signs of fluid returning or coming back soon, and was safe to see him again in 6 months.
Then last night I noticed his breath rates were up. I rushed him back to the ICU out of caution and I was correct, the fluid was back. Upon this arrival was the first time one of the ER doctors asked me if I wanted to put him down. Not because he was critical (we caught it early) but I think because of the reoccurrence and she mentioned the financial burden. Which yes it has been a financial burden. I am not working due to disability and the last visit was around 14k dollars that had to go onto my credit card. I don’t know how much it will be this time to get him stable again but that’s what prompted her to ask me that. I asked her in turn, financials aside is he suffering, is he worth treating. She told me it’s about the cats desire to live, that’s the most important part. And she said his desire to live is very much there. He is happy. Always purring. Loves everyone. Loves rubbing his head on people at the ICU. He’s so friendly. How can I think of putting him to sleep? I don’t ever in a million years want to do this. I was hoping he would pass away peacefully in his sleep from the arrhythmia one day so that I didn’t have to. But between multiple credit cards and loans I am starting to run out of room. It’s scary. I don’t want to lose him but I can’t consciously feel ok putting him to sleep when he’s so happy and wants to be with me. Even a few hours prior to taking him to the ICU yesterday, I came home and he ran to the door for me like he does every day. He runs meowing and then rolls over for his butt pats. I told myself the day he stops doing this I will know. But he never did.
I just don’t know how to handle the ICU costing 2-3k dollars a day and the guilt I would feel if I had to put him to sleep because of money, or even when to stop trying to save him. I love him so much he’s my best friend and I feel the worst I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I don’t know what others experiences are with this horrible heart disease or if anyone can tell me what they went through and when they decided to let go. Thanks
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