How do you know when to get a new cat?

[Roni]

Ok, sphynx ladies (and gents). I've been agonizing over this and wondering who I could talk to, then remembered this vast community of people who would know exactly what I was going through and would be able to give me some advice. I've posted here before, but here's the quick summary before I get into what brings me here tonight:

My beloved sphynx cat Vlad passed away in March, after almost a year of battling an "almost HCM" heart condition (it was basically HCM, but with atypical heart muscle thickening). It was frankly heart-breaking and traumatic to me in the year between his diagnosis and his death. Vlad was the world to me, and every time he started breathing a bit funky I wondered whether it would be the end. I was so glad to have him for that final year, but I have a feeling that the insecurity and pain has really fed into my current issues.

Now, I've finally paid off his copious vet bills and have allowed myself to look for another cat again. I've been actively looking for about a month and a half, posting every now and then here with questions. It's really felt like I've been taking two steps forward and one step back throughout the process. I've slowly eased my way into accepting and preparing for my next cat, done a crapton of research, and met potential cats both in shelters and with breeders. There have been a couple times I was SO SURE I was about to meet my next cat... only to find out that it wouldn't work out for some reason or another.

This last time was tougher than the others. I used to take setbacks in stride, but now whenever something doesn't work out as planned, I get utterly miserable and wonder whether I should just give up the cat search and live alone. I thought I was ready for a cat. Rationally, I know it'd be good for me. But I just... keep rejecting cats because they don't immediately act like my Vlad did. What I had with Vlad was so special, I'm just so afraid that if I pick the wrong cat, I'll never feel that sort of bond again.

:cry: I'm sorry for turning this into a confessional, I just really need to get this out of my system. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Can anyone tell me something that helped them power through their grief and uncertainty to get another cat?

Vlad was the first cat that was really "mine" in adulthood, so right now, I've never had a solo bond that powerful with an animal before...

 

[Toa and Ross]

@Roni as you say yourself what you had with Vlad was so special! That makes it hard to live without him and hopefully it will also be something to cherish and to have great memories about.
You'll never have the same special bond with another cat. That's because the bond you have with Vlad was special. I'm not saying that you'll never have a special bond with another cat, you'll just have another kind of special bond with that cat. Not better, not worse just a different kind of special.
I think you'll know you're ready for another cat when you feel it's okay to open your heart for another cat in his/her own unique way and to go on the journey together. The moment you can see how special Vlad was and still love him but you're also able to look at a new cat and not compair him/her with Vlad is the right moment I guess.

A big hug for you. Hope you'll find a way to open yourself up for tge love of another cat cause I'm sure you'll get a very special bond with him/her too.

Natasja

 

[Hairless Blessing]

I totally agree with @Toa and Ross

 

[Catzzzmeow]

I have been working all week and waited to respond to this thread until I had time tonight @Roni. I cannot tell you how to feel as that is very personal. We recently lost 2 boys...our HEART cats..the cats that changed our lives, our being and our hearts every minute of every day. We lost both within 3 weeks of each other. No kitty will ever replace them...but my mindset is not about replacing...it is about giving. I do not question our love, or our ability to give the best to a new living life. This frame of mind moves us forward. It has been very hard and emotional...but yet we are going to open our hearts and home to a new baby knowing the newness is exciting and we will love the hell out of our soon to be baby boy. Mourning is hard...and I am still weepy some days at odd moments ( usually driving my car) and today was especially hard as our breeder sent pics of our soon to be baby and it felt all too real...moving forward is HARD...but I know in my heart no one would love or provide above us. Our vet said some need time and some need a baby to heal. I love the breed and I now look forward to a new journey...and you will know when to let go of the past and look forward to the future...when you do, you are opening your heart to a baby to be loved beyond measure.


Patti

 

[Lickleone]

You'll know you're ready for another when you look at a new cat and see them for who they are. No cat you meet in a shelter or at a breeder can possible act in away your baby did and shouldn't have to. All cats are awesome and unique and when you see that when meeting a cat you'll know you are ready. If you give up you'll ily be hurting ind person and that's yourself

 

[Toa and Ross]

@Catzzzmeow you're such a loving person. A big hug!

Natasja

 

[Xandria]

I love these replies and this thread. I agree with all of the above.

This is such a personal topic and no two people and no two cats are the same. But I honestly believe it's something you just know intuitively. That the time is right -- and no one's time period is the same. Every situation is different. But you'll feel it inside... you will know.

My previous two furred cats were my everything. I sadly had to give them up due to Hubby's fur allergies. He felt tremendous guilt and I was devastated. Then one day he said, "Maybe I wouldn't be allergic to Sphynx..." At first it was a little hard to look at another kitty, but then... something woke up inside of me... I was ready to open our home to another (or two) nakeds!

Sending you love and hugs.

 

[raremage]

As others have said, deciding when to bring a new pet into your home after the passing of another is a very personal decision.

For my wife and I, it literally has been "as soon as we find the right one." For us that has ranged from around a week to more than a month. I think the best answer is "When it feels right, you'll know."

 

[Roni]

Hey guys. I'm sorry for disappearing on this thread. It was such a painful topic that I didn't know what else to say, but reading your responses helped so much.

I wanted to let you guys know.... that I got kittens a few days ago. My mom was great moral support and convinced me to keep at it when I felt like giving up.

I ended up going with orientals this time, because I can't bear to deal with heart issues again, and I thought they might have some of that affection, energy, and charm that I got from my sphynx.

Even though there're only been in my life a few days, I love m new little furbabies to pieces.

Thank you guys so much for being there!

 

[Yoda mom]

@Roni , (((hugs)))) to you and your mom
I truly believe they send us the ones to love like they knew in this world

Your babies are gorgeous! Happy Gotcha! What are their names ?
Oh those adorable faces!

You and your mom are lair family .
Looking forward to your pics and tales

 

[Xandria]

That's fabulous, @Roni ! Congrats. What precious babies!! I wan to nuzzle them!

Thank you for checking in and updating us. hope to see more of you around!

 

[Toa and Ross]

@Roni glad to hear you took the big step to get new cats and that your mom did support you.
Abd congratulations! What a beautiful couple you have. They look so cute. Maybe you can introduce them in another thread so you're mot constantly reminded of this thread?
I would love to know their names and hear more about the orientals!

Natasja

 

[Catzzzmeow]

I am so happy for you. Getting 2 must keep you extra busy these days. No doubt lots of laughs when you get 2 see them playing and tearing the house apart lol. My neighbor has always had Orientals. They are beautiful. Congrats!


patti

 

[Izidora]

It's great you are a sphynx mom again. Congrats!
We got Joshira, our female sphynx a month and a half after the death of my first sphynx mainly because I wanted to have company for Silvio, who was left alone and horribly cried throughout the whole day. We rehomed her and because of the special opportunity that I had, I did not have the time to think do I like her or not. I just wanted to have her. Slowly, she and Silvio get used to each other and she is also better with us now. I know that nothing and no one could ever measure with the love that I felt towards my first cat but, even though it's harsh, life goes on. The pain may remain, but the truth and the fact is that he is no longer with me and that it would be selfish of me not to give love to other cats - his brother Silvio and the newcomer from Ukraine, Joshira. I still cry, right now as I write this my eyes fill with tears...but it is how it is. So I slowly let him go..with each month he is far, far away :cry: And will wait for me on day....there, somewhere.